Big Brother Again!

It feels like we've been waiting forever to tell Harrison that he is going to be, for the second time, a big brother. Like 16 1/2 weeks forever, actually. With Raegan, the whole thing is no big deal. She's just learning the words for "cracker" and "all done" -- "big sister" is not in her realm of comprehension and the only "baby" she knows is, obviously, herself. We could have told her the minute I took the pregnancy test and she would have just grinned at us and gone back to playing. But with Harrison, it's been much different this time. We knew he would understand immediately, and that if 40 weeks feels like a long time to us, it would be a lifetime to him. Instead of telling him right away, we decided to wait until my belly started to show more or we had something tangible to help us give him the news.

We quickly learned that it's hard having such a big secret in the house because we kept wanting to discuss baby related issues while the other children were still awake or sitting with us at the dinner table. And by we, I mean Ben. For someone who helped hatch the whole Let's Not Tell HD Just Yet Plan, he was awful at keeping his mouth shut in front of the kids. Again, RL was not an issue. But every time Ben slipped and then made this big "OH. I'm sorry. Sorry." speech, accompanied by big, panicked eyes, I would hold my breath and look at Harrison to see if we had ruined the whole announcement. Somehow, inquisitive and observant as he is, he never questioned it. I believe my husband was saved, more than once, by the fact that at that point, The Baby in the house in HD's eyes and in our daily conversations, was still Raegan. But let me tell you, if we didn't sit at opposite ends of the table during meals, Ben would have probably suffered a few bruised shins in the last few weeks!

For whatever reason, I finally decided I was sick of side stepping the issue and also trying to keep The Baby (in my belly) from coming up in conversation at home or with friends, etc. It had become a bit circus-like tying to keep explaining to people, under my breath, that Big Brother still didn't know about his new brother or sister to be even though anyone who can see my facebook cover photo can figure out the situation in an instant. So, even though the belly still isn't too big, we caved and finally told HD our great news this weekend.

There was nothing terribly grand about it, but we all sat down together this morning, still in our PJs, and showed him a new book we just got:

We love the Berenstain Bears, and while the newer titles, like Baby Makes Five aren't as great in my mind as the old classics, it did the trick. We were able to count the members of the family and talk about how they relate to our family or, better yet, what our family will be soon. From there, Harrison was sold. Instantly OK with the idea, instantly ready to consider life as five instead of just four. Of course, there were some questions...

He wanted to know if the baby would be a Harrison like him or a Raegan like, well, Raegan (for the record, his guess is another boy since we already have a baby girl). He wanted to know when he could grow a baby in his belly (even after I said this wasn't going to happen, he told me, "No, Mama. I'm going to grow and be a big kid and then I can grow a baby in my belly.") He wanted to know when the baby would start to cry and thought it was really cool that the baby was going to start to kick from inside Mama's tummy soon. "Did I do that when I was a baby in your tummy?!" he asked tonight with both disbelief and delight on his face. And while the "when is the baby going to get here?"s haven't really been too bad yet, I have a feeling it could still be a long haul from here until July 10.

I'm happy, though, that he knows and is just as excited as the rest of us. While I questioned Harrison's ability to understand how far away the due date is, I haven't really doubted that he would accept and like the idea of another baby in the house. He loves his little sister to pieces (and apparently even talks about her at swimming lessons at preK - who knew?!), and now that there's going to be another little one around, he knows he'll have even more opportunities for fun, mischief, play, and love....just what a Big Brother does best!

Timing

Apparently picking up reading again has put any time for my writing to the side...I haven't been noticing as many stories of my own to write about because I've been wrapped up in the stories of others for the last week and a half (and have already finished five books in that time!). But it has been lovely to reenter the world of books (and walk away from the computer and TV more) and the timing could not have been better for another reason as well. Warning...if you don't want to read about health stuff or bodily stuff, stop now. But I've always tried to be honest about my experiences, and well, things have been interesting lately.

Since my experience a little over a month ago with sudden, scary bleeding, there have been some ups and downs with my health. I've gone through a couple rounds of sinus yuck and some serious, extended bouts of morning sickness, but all that seems to be on the mend (knocking on wood now, thanks). The whole bleeding thing, I thought, was also done. I had a little over two and a half weeks between that first visit and a repeat ultrasound and had just one day of spotting directly prior to going in to see my doctor again during that time frame. But Baby was fine, so I was fine. That appointment was two weeks ago today and while Baby is still fine and I am mostly still fine, the bleeding has taken on a whole new role in our lives.

For two weeks straight, now, I've been bleeding. I wish I could say spotting, but unfortunately it is more than that. I tried to be calm about it and was for a good week and a half, knowing that I have a hematoma near the baby and that most likely all of this is coming from that as it hopefully resolves itself. No idea what caused that but so far it hasn't been growing, so we've had no reason for major concern except that, now, the blood won't seem to stop. I'm not losing so much that my doctor is freaking out and even I'm not freaking out (too much) knowing that Baby is still, thankfully, fine. We made sure of that last Wednesday. But the bleeding continues and really the only advice she can give me besides waiting it out is putting my feet up and resting as much as possible. Of course she knows this is an impossible task because my day-to-day is far from feet up and restful, but I am trying to put her words into practice as best I can.

Projects around the house (and cleaning/cooking/laundry, for that matter) have taken a back seat right now. Ironically, the more I tell myself that I need to just chill on the couch, the more I notice or think of things I should be doing or organizing or what have you. You would think I'm already nesting or something but I'm pretty sure that's unheard of at 15 1/2 weeks. As it is, I'm hoping that if I just slow down as much as I can (which may not be much, but I have to try) all of the bleeding will stop. The hematoma or whatever is causing it will go away and we can have smooth sailing from here, but of course we have no real answers or guarantees at this point. It is remarkable how even on my third pregnancy, I can feel like I have absolutely no idea what's going on, but I suppose by now I should just now that that is life and especially life as a parent!

Back to timing...it is a good thing that I'm all about books these days because at least books keep my feet up and resting even if they do keep me up too late at night because I just can't stand to stop turning pages. But maybe that is a blessing in disguise because the books also help keep my mind from worrying about all of this so much. Instead, with the time I do have to think and focus on it, I can send up a hope and a prayer and fingers crossed and good karma and good juju and all that love that keeps us moving forward even when we have no idea what's going on.

Resolution

I can't remember the last time I made a New Year's Resolution. Ben can't either, so I don't know if I've ever made one at all in the seven years we've been together. I'm sure, at some point, I made some sort of health or diet promise to myself, like so many of us do, but an actual resolution escapes me at the moment. Considering that we're almost two weeks into the New Year, I'm not sure that what I've currently decided to do is a resolution either. However, since it is still January and I am starting something new, I figured resolution was as good a name as anything for my simple little plan; and since the goal of it is, do something simple, I guess it all ties together nicely.

As an English major/teacher, you would think I read all the time. Devour books, even. While true at times (think semester breaks, summer vacations, and Before Children), I don't so much read any more. Since Harrison was born, I've had a couple spurts where I read, read, read for fun, but it's hard when you're chasing babies all day to find time to curl up with a good book. If I'm being totally honest, by the end of the day when the kids are bed, I usually want to curl up with a bowl of brownies & ice cream and TV shows that don't make me think too much, thanks. So, lately, my reading levels have taken a hit while my screen time in the evening, due to said TV shows and numerous facebook, email, pinterest checks, has continually increased. Seeing as my normal usually includes an inability to shut off my brain and sleep, I decided I needed to unplug a bit more and a bit earlier each night which led to my so-called resolution.

Really, it is simple. I've decided that by 8:30/9:00 each night, I'm done on the computer. No final checks of facebook or email before bed; no wasting 45 minutes on pinterest while Ben finishes grading or getting ready for the school the next day. By no later than 9, I'm done. My hope is that it will give me more time for reading, my prenatal yoga routines, do nothing (turns out I'm really bad at that), and perhaps plain old sleep. This last one might be most vital because it would appear that my children aren't going to be giving up on the 5:50 Wake Up Calls any time soon, and while I consider that to be an awful time to start the day, I clearly don't have much say in the matter.

Like many ideas, I came upon this one by accident on Thursday when I decided to pull my all-time favorite, To Kill a Mockingbird, off the shelf and start rereading it while HD attempted Quiet Time in another room and RL napped upstairs. (I say "attempted" because it is often far from being super quiet and he's still learning how to really entertain himself for that hour each day, but try, try again is our motto with this one and someday we will be most successful!). Because the book is my No.1, I had a hard time putting it down, even with the Quiet Time interruptions/numerous potty breaks (for HD, not me; belly isn't that big yet!). That night, before bed, I started reading again and had to force myself to turn the light off at 11. I knew my children wouldn't understand if Mama was tired the next day just because she wanted to pretend she was back in college and could stay up as late as she pleased, doing whatever she wanted. Parenthood just doesn't work that way.

Then, last night, I really couldn't stop myself. I officially logged off the Internets at 9:00, as per my resolution, picked up my book, and didn't stop until shortly after midnight when I finished the thing. So much for unplugging being the key to more sleep in my life! But it was a Friday night and I knew Ben would be around to help today, so I decided to seize the moment and do what I wanted to do, parenthood or not.

It was fantastic. I was reminded of just how much and just why I love that book so. I was also reminded of what it is like to do something just for me. While I don't think I should stay up until midnight every night reading, I do think I'm going to like this little accidental resolution. Although all of this probably will take a real toll on my sleep in the near future because my next reading plan is to read, again, The Hunger Games series; I read it so quickly the first time, I know I missed things. After that, I plan to find new titles and new authors to fill my evenings, at least until July when Baby No.3 makes his or her appearance. Then it will be back to the crazy hours of a newborn and reading nothing more than parenting books. But I wonder...just how many books will I read before then, all thanks to learning to ignore my computer an hour earlier at night? Hopefully many!

Red-Stripy Pajamas, Will You Please Go Now!

I present to you the cutest little pair of pajamas I've seen for a baby girl during the holiday season:

They make Little Miss look just like a festive little candy cane and they even have a sweet gingerbread girl on them, too. We debuted them on Christmas Eve, but my plan was to have her wear them all winter long; well, that is, until we witnessed how poorly she slept in them that night.

Christmas Eve was spent with family during our Chicago Trip. HD put out cookies for Santa, we read a Christmas Eve Countdown with Curious George, got the kiddos in their super cute, super festive PJs, and sent them both off to bed nice and early. All was well until shortly after Ben and I retired for the night (in the room we were sharing with Raegan, mind you). Just as I was drifting off to sleep, Raegan started making noise. And then more noise. And then MORE NOISE.

Seriously. Since we sleep trained back in August, she's never had a night like this. She was up, screaming and crying for, oh two, two-and-a-half hours or so, right in the middle of the night. Actually, we discovered the next day that the PJs little saying on the front reads, "Staying up for Santa" and we wondered if she had taken to that to heart because we were certainly up at midnight, wide awake and greeting Christmas with a bang. For the life of me, though, I could not figure it out, and I was definitely not looking forward to giving them a second chance to prove their worth beyond cuteness factor.

Flash forward a little over a week to us being back home and trying desperately to recover from all the sickness and ickness that we experienced after our holiday travels. I was so out of it for so long that not much was getting done around the house in terms of laundry and dishes. Ben did a great job of handling the kids day in and day out, but as he quickly learned, doing all of the childcare and house care by yourself is tough, especially when your sick, good-for-nothing-other-than-being-on-the-couch-wife has conned you into watching all of Seasons One and Two of Downton Abbey with her in as short amount of time as possible, taking up most of your evening free time. But I digress...

Back to the laundry. It piled up. No big deal; that's the beauty (and the downfall) of having a laundry chute in the house. You can just keep dropping it to the basement and never have a clue how bad the situation really is. The moment I did realize, though, was when I went to get Raegan dressed for bed on Thursday and the only clean PJs were, naturally, the Red-Stripy pair. I cringed, hoped we wouldn't have a repeat disaster, and put them on Raegan.

The first two-and-a-half hours of the night were fine. Totally normal. Then she started making noise. And then more noise. And then MORE NOISE.

Seriously?! I couldn't believe it. How could a pair of stinkin' cute pajamas be so cursed?!

It was Ben's mom who made the lightbulb click for me, though. She was here for a couple days to help me, and we were talking after Ben got home from a meeting and RL was still not sleeping. Deb asked, "Could it be the way they feel?" And just like that, I knew we had our answer. This is the only pair of PJs Raegan has slept in with this particular "tight" fit. Of course they are not too tight, but they are in fact much different from the rest of her normal night gear of regular fleece and knit pajamas. Harrison has always been my little one who is sensitive to the fit and feel of clothes; it never occurred to me that his sister might have some similar tendencies (especially since he had pajamas like this as a babe and never minded them!). But yes, I do believe the fit brought on her fits.

Normally we let the kids put themselves back to sleep when they wake in the middle of the night, but clearly that wasn't going to happen this night, so Ben went up and did a full change (diaper and pajamas that I have no idea where or how we found) for her and put her back in her crib. Unfortunately it wasn't an immediate fix because she was so upset. Lots of cries and tossing and turning and she finally went back to sleep about 40 minutes later.

Really, all of this is my fault. Although these were a Christmas gift for Raegan from my parents, I was the one who picked them out while shopping with my mom. As you can imagine, I've vowed to correct my error by not allowing RL to wear these anytime soon, if ever again. I might just have to give them away, if I can find some other little girl in 12-month clothes who does not mind a slim fit, that is!