Christmas Book Countdown

Although I still shake my head a bit over all the things I pin and don't actually do, I am still pleased whenever I pull off anything I find on Pinterest. With the help of some early Christmas gifts from a few family members, we will soon be pulling off one of my biggest Pinterest projects yet - a countdown of books leading up to Christmas.

I saw the idea last year and started collecting titles then, but this year I decided I really wanted to make it happen. We don't have an advent calendar of any kind and don't do the whole Elf on the Shelf thing, but Harrison seems old enough this year to be able to get into a countdown and naturally I love the whole book focus. And again, thanks to our own little family of elves, we were able to get them all ordered and delivered and ready to go before Dec. 1. Here is what they look like wrapped and ready to go:

Our plan is to take this stack of wrapped books and stick it under the tree before Sunday. Then we'll have the kids pick a new "present" each day to open. More likely, HD & RL will take turns every other day doing the selecting, but you get the gist. This way they will have something to open and read each day leading up to Christmas and each opened book will hang out for the month in our living room to be read as many times as they like. To be honest, I hadn't read all of these titles before buying/asking for them, so I have no idea what the kids (or I) will think of some of them. Ben was reading some to me tonight as I wrapped them and wow, some are too wordy or too heavy for a 4, 2,  and less-than-1, but they will grow with our kids. Right?! Really, though, I hope to do this from now until forever and I really hope it is something our little family can look forward to year after year (and yes, I really do plan to keep this up even when they are eye rolling teenagers because that's how much I love my littles!).

In case you're interested in doing something similar, I broke down our list of 25 for you and am including pictures so you can see the pretty covers. I'm also including a little commentary here and there, because you know, I'm wordy like that! Perhaps I'll also do a follow up post in January to let you all know how this little tradition went during its inaugural year!

The Nutcracker and the Mouse King by E.T.A. Hoffmann *So many words! Will have to read selectively for a few years.
Making a Friend by Marc Rosenthal
Thomas' Christmas Delivery by Rev. W. Awdry *Thomas has been so dear to us during HD's early years, we couldn't help ourselves!
Richard Scarry's Best Christmas Book Ever! *HD LOVES Busy Town!
The Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore *Classic!

Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol (picture book version) *first page talks about death; might have to read selectively for a few years on this one!
Olivia Helps with Christmas by Ian Falconer
Christmas in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder *LIW is one of my childhood heros; love this!
The Legend of the Candy Cane by Lori Walburg
The Legend of St. Nicholas by Dandi Daley Mackall

Stick Man by Julia Donaldson *Oh, the rhyming cuteness. Loved this when Ben read it to me as I wrapped.
Bear Stays Up for Christmas by Karma Wilson
The True Night Before Christmas by Timothy Penland
Home for Christmas by Jan Brett
The Spirit of Christmas by Nancy Tillman

Jingle Bells by Kathleen N. Daly *A Little Golden Book given to us by Ben's mom from when he was little (possibly before??)!
The Christmas Story by Jane Werner *Another LGB from Grandma Deb.
The Berenstain Bears Meet Santa Bear by Stan & Jan Berenstain *My childhood copy!
Santa is Coming to Nebraska by Steve Smallman *Saw this at the office store and couldn't help myself since Hastings is actually named on one of the pages.
The Christmas Magic by Lauren Thompson *Don't judge a book by its cover, blah blah blah - I love the cover of this book and can't wait to read it with the kiddos!

Christmas Eve Good Night by Doug Cushman
Margret and H. A. Rey's Merry Christmas, Curious George 
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss *From my parent's house, possibly my mom's childhood copy?
The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg *Classic!
The Twelve Days of Christmas by Jan Brett *Love Jan Brett's illustrations (and her original books, too).

C'mon Get Happy!

A few months ago, the following questions were posed to me: "What do you do for yourself? What do you have in your life that makes you You? What makes you happy?" And you know how I responded? I started crying. I couldn't think of a single thing that was truly mine and was really just for me, that made me truly happy. Not that there is anything wrong with being a wife and a mama but those don't feel like elements of my life that are really mine. Those are my relationships with others, and they are my heart, of course, but if you took those off the table (please, don't take them off the table!), what was left for me?

It was not a high point, my friends. "Ummmmm, books? I like to read?" I answered between tissue swipes at my eyes and nose. But even that was a question. Was that enough? Did that really make me Me and make me happy?

Sort of. I do love to read and always have. As an elementary student, I read my tail off, working every summer to make sure I was one of the (if not the) top readers in my town's Summer Reading Program. In college, whenever I was home on Christmas break or Summer vacation, I read voraciously....taking in all the novels I could to give my mind some play between semesters. I went to grad school for English-flipping-lit, people, so yes, books are me, but as I got older and babies started entering my world, I let my bookish self go a bit. I still read plenty of parenting books, but if you've been reading along long enough, you might remember how that went. This year I made a conscious effort, a resolution of sorts, to start reading again, and with a month in 2013 to go, I'd say I've done pretty well (you can view my running list of titles read here just don't judge me for not editing it). So while I can still say without a doubt, reading and books are a part of me, they don't always give me that greater sense of self or peace. If anything, they give me a place to escape and a reason to stay up late (which I clearly don't need!). So I had to start looking for other things.

I tried walking. But this is Nebraska and it's November. It is cold and the sun goes down early and a daily walk just wasn't happening for me. Rather, I wasn't choosing to make it happen because great as it is to get out and walk (I do like it), it wasn't feeding my soul. It was making me long to run and that just wasn't serving me either based on my history with my back and all.

As you probably know if you've been reading along lately, I was lucky and the next thing I tried, yoga, was my Golden Ticket. I somehow managed to find something that made me feel strong and whole and humble and calm and peaceful and (ta-da!) HAPPY. And the whole thing surprises me still because I'm not new to yoga. But with my re-commitment to it, it is new. And so am I.

Every time I'm on the mat I learn something. Something about life or myself or this journey or what-have-you. I learn. I feel alive. I FEEL. Because of this, I am able to get through the crazy and long-arse days with three littles in the house and I don't greet my husband every evening with a laundry list of what went wrong that day (like I used to). Because of this, I am able to look at myself in the mirror and smile. I can see the strength in my muscles building rather than nit-picking my post-baby body and appreciate the glow in my eyes instead of staring at the oh-geez-I'm-in-my-30s-lines-and-grays that have started to appear. Because of this, I am starting to know myself and I have to say, it feels both crazy to have taken this long to get here and amazing to already be on my way. Now, when someone asks, "What makes you You?" I have an answer that really is Me and I am so, so grateful.

On Friday, I read a post over on one of my faves, Momastery about how what our kids really want is for us to be happy. Instead of dissolving in tears like I did a few months ago, I beamed as I read, knowing that I am doing something for me, something that makes me glow and I know my kids feel that. Not that that makes me better than other moms or parents or whatever. Please, do not think I am trying in this post to take my happy place and shove it in your face. I'm not. I'm just thinking about what makes us who we are and I wonder, what makes you You? What are you doing that feeds you? That makes you feel? I was lucky and found my answer in three tries. But what if others are still looking? What if this question makes you want to cry?

If you have something that makes you shine, will you share? Either in the comments here or on the Facebook thread? Maybe someone who is looking for some peace, some happy, will read over those ideas and find something new to try. Or, like in my case, something old to try again. I think it would be awesome for us to share ideas and know more about what makes each other happy. So please, if you feel so inclined, play along!

I'll throw a suggestion out first: music. Get up and dance to get your happy on! Need a new song? Watch/listen to "Happy" from Pharrell Williams. It's my new fave.

Books in 2013

1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee - starting the year off in style with my all-time favorite book.
2. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins - LOVE
3. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins - THESE
4. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins - BOOKS!
5. Moneyball by Michael Lewis - my mommybrain skimmed some of the baseball stats, but overall an enjoyable read.
6. Wednesday Wars by Gary Schmidt - wonderful, wonderful book - looking forward to reading more by this YA author.
7. I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith - orginally published in 1948 & out of my normal style, but fitting nonetheless thanks to my recent Downton Abbey obsession.
8. Imperfect Birds by Anne Lamott - Love me my Anne Lamott; perhaps could have done without a harsh reminder of how challenging it will be to raise teenagers in this world. :S
9. The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh - Everyone should read this book; it is marvelous. My library put a little romance sticker on the spine (why do they feel the need to do that?) but it is a story about so much more than that. Such a great read.
10. Liar and Spy by Rebecca Stead - Children's literature is so fantastic...excellent stories at a reading level that allows me to plow through in one short evening.
11. Falling Angels by Tracy Chevalier - another selection inspired by the pre-Downton era & a pleasant one at that, especially with the varied voices of narrators/characters with each changing chapter.
12. A Casual Vacancy by JK Rowling - it took far longer than I would like to admit to adjust to all of the British slang and many, many changes in POV/narrator when I started this book, but once I got into it, I was hooked. Totally different than HP; totally sticks with you, just the same.
13. Divergent by Veronica Roth - another excellent teen series with a female protagonist and female author (but perfect for female or male readers).
14. Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand - nonfiction is not my normal thing, but this was such an interesting read; totally had me hooked and flipping pages, just like a novel.
15. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky - started this morning, finished this afternoon. Feel in love with the narrator. Moved by the story. Now wondering what the film version is like.
16. Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks - I haven't read a Sparks novel since college, so maybe I'm a bit rusty, but I did not see the ending coming with this one and it gave me just what a Nicholas Sparks novel should - goosebumps and tears! I am such a sucker. :)
17. The Fault in our Stars by John Green - I'm on a bit of a YA kick here. I guess I'm calling it research should I ever find myself back in a middle or high school English classroom, but really, they're just good, quicker reads. This particular one utilized a very successful, albeit pretty mature, teenage girl's narrative voice.
18. Morgan's Passing by Anne Tyler - first read of a friend's favorite author....such a kooky protagonist in this story, but he and his story grew on me and kept me reading to see what would happen next.
19. When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead - great kiddie lit read; especially wonderful for fans of A Wrinkle in Time.
20. Making Babies: Stumbling into Motherhood by Anne Enright - Normally I love a good memoir, especially ones by mamas, but this one wasn't my favorite. Turned out to be a slower and less entertaining read for me than expected.
21. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak - Had no idea what I was getting myself into with this one. Turned out to be another WWII story but of course it was also so much more than that. A long book, but written in such an interesting manner. Well worth 550 pages.
22. The Lightning Theif by Rick Riordan - another Sunday, another teen series begun (and enjoyed).
23. Little Bee by Chris Cleave - Intense read. Not at all what I expected, but such good narrative voices.
24. Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed by Glennon Doyle Melton. Oh, Momastery. How I've come to love you in the last year and change. Such a good blog. And SUCH a good book. I knew a lot of the stories already, but even those had me laughing and crying all over again. And the stuff I hadn't read previously? Fantastic.
25. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The new movie version of the film looks so shiny and pretty that I'm actually pretty excited to see it. But I realized I didn't remember much from the book beyond West Egg, East Egg, a green light, a yellow car, a man named Gatsby and a woman named Daisy. Seeing as it's been probably 15 years since I read it as a young high school student, my faded memory is perhaps excusable, or at least explainable, so I nabbed a copy, dove in, and loved it all over again. Now I'm determined to go back and reread more books from high school; I think I will get so much more out of them than I did back then!
26. Lizzie Bright and the Buckminster Boy by Gary Schmidt. My mom got me a signed copy of this YA book a while ago and I just got around to reading it - so, so good! Shouldn't have waited so long.
27. Tiny Beautiful Things; Advice on love and life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed. Laughter, tears and a lot of head nodding. So good.
28. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. Excellent, excellent read. Devoured this book.
29. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. Whoa. Big read. As in, heavy on my head but good for my heart. Need to read it again (and then again) to really take it all in, though.
30. The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. First book read after birth of Lincoln (and it took awhile to get back into the habit!), and what a good/lucky choice. Fantastic book based in Biblical times and all about the power and strength and voices of women. LOVED it.
31. Raising Happiness by Christine Carter. "10 simple steps for more joyful kids and happier parents." Great read and great, conversational tone behind the writing, although I'm not sure all 10 steps are what I would exactly call simple.
32. Deliberate Motherhood by The Power of Moms. 12 chapters dedicated to bringing more peace, power, order, and joy to mamas. All good stuff. Lots of head nodding and underlining on this one. Very worthwhile read for moms!
33. The Cutting Room Floor by Dawn Klehr. Part thriller, part romance - another quick YA read.
34. Lies Beneath by Anne Greenwood Brown. Like Twilight but mermaids. It is much better than that description perhaps makes it sound.
35. Deep Betrayal by Anne Greenwood Brown. Books II in the series. Told from another character's POV, which is always fun.
36. What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty - read this because I wanted to read another book by her that wasn't available and just loved it. Almost a romance/mystery w/ the memory loss that drives the plot. So good and kept me reading, reading, reading just as fast as I could.
37. 365 Days of Thanks by John Kralik - pretty cool concept and neat story. Inspiring me to write more thank you's for sure.
38. Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst - all about making wise choices when hit with raw emotion. Scripture-based book with lots of real-life mom stories included.
39. In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvzrez - another good historical fiction read.
40. The Husband's Secret- by Liane Moriarty - officially finished my last book of the year on Dec. 31 - pretty cool. & another great read from Moriarty! I love books that feature different narrative voices within chapters.

WTG?!

In grad school I spent two years working for the Willa Cather Archive and the UNL Digital Archives. While that means I was once fluent in XML, it also means that I worked with a guy (who was already married with children) who used the phrase, "What the Grunt?!" to express concern, disdain, frustration, etc. in a PG manner. As it turns out, this phrase is one that keeps coming back to me this week as we seem to be stuck in a bit of an illness/oddity wheel.

Last week it was a coughing Harrison who missed two days of school but waited until 3:30 on Friday to spike a fever. A (not-so-quick, but bless-their-sweet-souls) trip to Convenient Care revealed that he had bronchitis. There went all of our plans for the weekend in one quick WTG (whoops - just typed WTF instead) moment.

This week, like so many others this Fall, has been filled with long days. It seems like my dear husband is gone at least twice (and sometimes thrice) a week in the afternoons or evenings due to meetings, committees, etc. which leaves me with very long days with very small children. And since the icky-sickies have started, we are stuck for these very long days in our house. We love our house but it's only 3/4 of the way through November and I'm already getting cabin fever. Not good, eh?

HD is back to school this week and I thought we were in the clear, so we did get out for Toddler Art on Tuesday. Well then Tuesday (damn you, Tuesday!) night came and Lincoln woke up mid-night with an awful, barky cough and a low-grade fever. Welcome WTG illness No.2 - the start of croup! Thankfully we got to the dr. quickly Wednesday morning and he's doing much better, but still, no getting out of the house or social time for me/us for a few days. And again - it's only November. If we're getting blasted like this now, what does the rest of the winter hold for us healthwise?!

Not to be left out, Little Miss has been adding to the WTGs, too. The self-potty training sort of continues with her going accident-free some days and others not-so-much. I suppose if I had a day or two to really devote my attention to it/her, we might be in business, but yeah right. With sick brothers and naps and nursing and whatnot, my attention is clearly divided. Speaking of nursing, check out her WTG play session that took place while I was with Lincoln in the living room this morning. Apparently she is thinking all things diapers and potties and babies, because this is what she found to entertain herself:

And did I mention that she chose last night to start getting out of her crib?! This is perhaps the biggest WTG of them all right now. I cannot stand the idea of losing the containment the crib offers and if she really is done, this will make it even earlier and worse than when Harrison gave it up at 2 yrs., 3ish mos. But the toddler bed is probably coming soon because this morning she flipped out of her crib and (naturally) landed on a basket that holds blankets, etc. on the floor and did this to her eye: 

She is fine, but in hopes of avoiding any (more) serious injuries, we don't want the little monkey to keep experimenting with escaping. Because, you know, with the potty training and the sick brothers and all the whatnot, I clearly have lots of time for teaching her to stay in a toddler bed, too! Sheesh, child. Could you slow down a bit on the growing up/demanding independence?! Just a little for your poor Mama?!

In other random news, I tried to go old-school with Harrison and get him some books on tape from the library (to avoid messing with potentially scratched or scratch-able CDs) to entertain him during these long house-bound days. It took him two seconds to do this to the first one (after asking "What's this, Mama?!" in his own WTG voice): 

The brilliant-albeit-still-a-stinker also told me yesterday, when playing CandyLand, that he hid the cupcake card because he didn't want to land on it (it's the first one, in case you aren't as familiar as I am these days, so if you're almost to the end and draw it, it is apparently a BIG bummer/WTG in the eyes of a 4-yr-old). Today I found it behind the pillow of my rocking chair: 

And last, but not least in this random collection of WTGs, I bring you sweet baby Lincoln's hair. Not that he has much of it, but he does have one strand that is really giving its all. Yes, one strand. While the rest of his head is covered in the sweetest little fuzz, there is one strand on top of his head (of course) that is a solid 1.5-2 inches long. Why? How? No one knows. But here you have it:

My apologies if this is the strangest post you've ever read from me. I'm solo parenting for 13 hours today, so I'm a little loopy.

The Terrific 2 1/2 ft. Tyrant

OK, Raegan is a little peanut but even she is bigger than 2 1/2 feet. But somehow "33 1/4 inches Tyrant" just didn't have as nice a ring to it to title this post. And really "tyrant" probably isn't fair either because since I became a mama, I have learned that the Twos aren't all Terrible. Sometimes they are down right Terrific, which is fitting because living with a two-yr-old is nothing short of total contradiction, full of swings from one extreme to the next.

For one, I hear the phrases "Need Help!" and "ME do it!" ALL. the. Time! I am constantly being summoned to do whatever Little Miss can't handle on her own, but often, as soon as I arrive to help, she is pushing me away hollering that she will do it by herself. Rinse and repeat. Again and again and again, all day long.

Naturally, the cries for help/independence are most connected to all things potty training. Or self-training, as we're doing it around here. Raegan wants very much to do the whole process by herself but still requires a lot of assistance from us. I mean, really. Do you think a just-turned-two-yr-old (who is only 33 1/4 inches tall!) can handle the whole get-on-the-potty/wipe/get-off-the-potty/wash-hands routine by herself? Well, she might like to try, but for the sake of sanitation and sanity, this is NOT a "ME do it!" kind of thing! And since each trip to the bathroom takes a good 10-15 minutes because she insists on repeating the process over and over, I get a lot of quality (bathroom) time with Little Miss these days.

Even though RL's demanding and rejecting me day in and day out, I have to say, she does so with impeccable manners. I hear "Menk You/WelkUm" almost as much as I do "Need Help" and "ME do it!" And that's exactly how it comes out - as one long word. Every time she tells us "thank you," she tacks on a "You're Welcome," saving us a response. It is really very sweet and not-tyrant like at all.

Neither is her running or hopping or "singing" the ABCs. All of that stuff is remarkably cute and enduring (in my unbiased opinion, of course). So are her arms around my neck when she gloms on for a big old hug as I carry her upstairs for her nap. Or when she keeps tabs on the baby all day long, letting us know every time he cries by calling out, "Linky sad! Linky sad!" She is such a good little mama!

My favorite Raegge-isms these days, though, are her "Oh, gosh!"s and head tilting/eyes narrowing when she asks a question. The tilt/squint/inquire routine is a riot because she often looks like she's trying to charm her way into whatever she's asking for, as though we won't be able to resist her sideways sweetness (she's right. we can't). And the "Oh, gosh" is great because she says it with such inflection and uses it any time she wibbles or wobbles (which happens a lot when you are a busy 2-yr-old, always on the move).

While there are days when I would rather pull my hair out than hear "ME do it" one more time, I am not wishing these days away. I know that the days when she won't need to say it to me because she really can do it aren't that far away.

Until I'm 42

From an early age, I remember my dad telling me, "You can't date until you're 42." Being a relatively bright child with a basic understanding of math, I knew this was total bunk and would reply, "But, Daaaaaaad! You're married and have two kids and you're not even 42! That's not fair!"

Fortunately for me (and my future husband and future children), it really was bunk and my parents did not make me wait until I was 42 to date. And actually, this post has nothing to do with dating whatsoever. It has to do with ten years from now (when I will be just one year from that magical, mythical age of 42). I have figured out what I want to be when I grow up and so I have a new goal for (almost) 42 (because if that's the age when you are finally allowed to date, it's probably also the age when you might want to have an idea of what you want to do with your life).

I want to be a yoga instructor. It is as simple and as terrifying as that.

Now part of me feels like a love-struck teenager because I am SO over the moon in love with yoga right now and I just started taking classes again after a ten year hiatus. So why the big push/motivation for ten years from now? I don't know. The classes, the movements, the intentions...they all just speak to my soul. I love it. It lights me up from head to toe, makes me feel every muscle and breath, and the joy that it brings me carries with me after I leave the mat.

Just ask my family.

A week ago, I came home from a class and was shining. I'm not even sure if a pregnant mama's glow could have outshone me that night, that's how good I felt. And my kids fed off of it, asking me about the poses I did and wanting me to teach them how to do the same things I had just done at class. And get this - Harrison was so delighted to see my smiling face, he pulled out my chair at the supper table, pulled it right next to his, and then pushed it in for me as I settled down to enjoy a most delicious frozen pizza with them. Does my family care that it was frozen and not homemade because I was at class and not cooking for them? Not in the slightest because better than my pizza (which is damn fine, if you've never had it) is my sense of peace, my Zen buzz, after getting my yogi on.

And that's why I want to do this, even if it is crazy at this point to say so. Why not be crazy? And why not have big dreams? Recently someone posted on facebook a quote that said something along the lines of "If you're dreams don't scare you, they probably aren't big enough" and that is ringing home as captial-T Truth for me tonight. This dream is scary. I have so much to learn. So many muscles to grow. So much to practice before I could ever lead others in this beautiful art, but why not start now with the intention of greatness and sharing with others? Because intentions are one of my favorite parts of the classes I have attended. Stating and restating and focusing through the breath and movement to tell yourself why you are here, why you do what you do. For this reason, it makes sense to start from the very beginning of my journey as a student with the intention of one day being a teacher. I will absorb and learn so much more if I state my intention now and then over and over and over until I reach that magical, mythical place of being able to be it. To do it. And I'm giving myself enough grace and space (i.e. eleven years) to get there.

I can't hardly wait!

Self-Training: Wee or Whoa (or OH, NO!)?

In ten years (or less), Raegan may be less than pleased with me for writing this, but I'm currently working on focusing on my current season of life, and so here you have it: a post about potty training. And really, she can't get too mad at me for talking about this because she is totally the one who initiated it, so how could I not share this story?

Little Miss turned two all of four days ago. And apparently she decided that two is the new twelve (or at least the new three (which is when HD potty trained)), because out of nowhere, the day before her birthday, she told Ben she wanted to use the potty and then she used the potty. As in, she poo'ed in the potty! What the what? What kid does that?! Apparently mine because then she did it again the next day, too! And every day since she has either peed or poo'ed or both, all on her own. I shared these developments with some dear friends (who else besides dear friends would get excited about such news?!) and one of them said that maybe RL would self-train. I didn't realize that concept even really existed, but we're five days strong on this now and it seems like it really might be a thing.

Except, these efforts are clearly not done all on her own because she is far too little (in stature and age) to be making any of this happen independently. Oh, no. She requires a fair amount of adult assistance both to get her diaper off and to get her little bum up on the booster potty seat thing we bought and have had hanging in the bathroom for months. So I guess that also means her new potty trick didn't come out of nowhere - she's been asking about the potty for some time and watching her brother use it for ages - but this whole child-led training thing is very much new to all of us.

And really, I'd be all for it because then I'd be back to just one in diapers but that's just it - the other little peanut still in diapers makes it kind of challenging to drop everything and help Raegan when she hollers, "ME POTTY!" (which has been happening a LOT this week). I don't know if she thinks it is a game or what, but every time she heads for the bathroom, she wants to put the booster on and sit on the potty about five times before she's ready to leave. Even if she takes care of business during one of those initial attempts, she just keeps going through the process. Again and again and again. So you can imagine how this goes for me when I need to be nursing or changing or putting down Lincoln and Ben is not home - not so great!

Also, because I'm a "every story has two sides" kind of girl, I wonder how this whole self training business will be when she decides to take her diaper off on her own when I'm preoccupied with Baby or she's in her crib. And what if she doesn't make it to the potty? I'm loving this year's MOPS theme of a beautiful mess but those are not messes I think any of us would find very appealing....so how do I trust her on this? How do I follow her lead?

Ha! As if I choice. As my dad has been saying since the day I went into labor with Harrison, my kids are driving the bus, and apparently Raegan's decided to take us all on a little pit stop. I have a feeling this is just one of many times that she will make up her beautiful mind and then get something done. Messies or not, she's pretty awesome like that!

Memory Keeper

When I first started writing this blog, I was pretty hesitant. I felt like there must be about a million other "mommy blogs" out there and what could I possibly have to add to the conversation? But I've been keeping journals on and off since I was in high school and in the time since, I've learned two things: I love writing for an audience and I type a heck of a lot faster than I write by hand! So I guess that means a blog was a natural choice for me - a place where I could share my story and could do so quickly, if need be. As it turns out, the need for speed comes often as my day-to-day with three Littles doesn't really afford me a lot of time to myself or to write. But then again, my Littles are exactly why I write.

I write for Harrison because he is my first born, my first baby love. Each and every day is a learning experience for the two of us simply because he's my oldest. I don't know what to expect or how to handle each new stage and so we learn and grow together. Writing here about our lessons and accomplishments is a way for me to sort it all out, to express my joys and concerns, and to love him out loud. He's an amazing kid and I'm happy I get to be part of his story.

I write for Raegan because she is my sweet, ever-lovin' smile. She's also got more personality and spunk in her left hand than most people I meet, so needless to say, she's good for anecdotes of sugar and spice. I also write especially for her for when she is older. I want her to know what life was like when she was a babe so that it might help her when she has babes of her own and wonders why on earth this parenting thing, this mothering thing, is so freaking hard. Because it is. But it's also beautiful and that's why we keep doing it, why she will keep doing it, should she choose to enter the Mama Tribe.

I write for Lincoln because he is my calm - my snuggle and my warmth at the end of a long day (and sometimes after a long night). Even though his story has been beyond unique from the very beginning, I feel much more comfortable with his baby self than I did my first. Not because there was anything wrong with HD or with me in those moments, but because I've learned a ton since I first became a mama and that knowledge keeps me more grounded as I go through the baby and toddler phases for the second and third (and hopefully, someday, fourth) time. Also, as the third, Lincoln deserves his spot in the limelight, too, and blogging gives me a platform for making that happen.

Another grounding element that has kept me blogging the last two+ years is the greater sense of self and connection it gives me. I don't feel so alone in this mothering gig any more because countless times friends and acquaintances have told me, "I love reading your blog. It feels like you're inside my head when I read your stuff." Obviously the compliment is super but the "inside my head" part is even more of a boost for me, especially as a writer, but also as a mom. Those comments let me know that my stories do matter, even if I am one of a million mommy bloggers, because someone else is reading them and feeling connected to them, to me. Those comments help me know that I am not alone.

After all, I think what we all need more of in this life is connection. To each other, to our kids, and to ourselves. After being ridiculously isolated for the first part of my mamahood, I have to say, I'm much happier now that I put myself out there more, through life experiences like going to MOPS and personal endeavors like my writing. I can't even number how many times I've felt less alone after posting a blog, simply because it caused someone else to say, "Me, too!" and isn't that just exactly what we need to hear sometimes?

I also feel like I'm coming into my own as a mom and a friend and even as a woman, all through the simple act of being honest when I write. If I keep it up as my journey continues, I'll continue to have these great little vignettes to look back on, to remind myself of just how far we've come. And since you know I like to be honest, you can believe me when I say that I can't think of a better way to spend some of my precious free time than as a memory keeper for my oh-so-exhausting-yet-totally-amazing little brood.