Big Brother Again!

It feels like we've been waiting forever to tell Harrison that he is going to be, for the second time, a big brother. Like 16 1/2 weeks forever, actually. With Raegan, the whole thing is no big deal. She's just learning the words for "cracker" and "all done" -- "big sister" is not in her realm of comprehension and the only "baby" she knows is, obviously, herself. We could have told her the minute I took the pregnancy test and she would have just grinned at us and gone back to playing. But with Harrison, it's been much different this time. We knew he would understand immediately, and that if 40 weeks feels like a long time to us, it would be a lifetime to him. Instead of telling him right away, we decided to wait until my belly started to show more or we had something tangible to help us give him the news.

We quickly learned that it's hard having such a big secret in the house because we kept wanting to discuss baby related issues while the other children were still awake or sitting with us at the dinner table. And by we, I mean Ben. For someone who helped hatch the whole Let's Not Tell HD Just Yet Plan, he was awful at keeping his mouth shut in front of the kids. Again, RL was not an issue. But every time Ben slipped and then made this big "OH. I'm sorry. Sorry." speech, accompanied by big, panicked eyes, I would hold my breath and look at Harrison to see if we had ruined the whole announcement. Somehow, inquisitive and observant as he is, he never questioned it. I believe my husband was saved, more than once, by the fact that at that point, The Baby in the house in HD's eyes and in our daily conversations, was still Raegan. But let me tell you, if we didn't sit at opposite ends of the table during meals, Ben would have probably suffered a few bruised shins in the last few weeks!

For whatever reason, I finally decided I was sick of side stepping the issue and also trying to keep The Baby (in my belly) from coming up in conversation at home or with friends, etc. It had become a bit circus-like tying to keep explaining to people, under my breath, that Big Brother still didn't know about his new brother or sister to be even though anyone who can see my facebook cover photo can figure out the situation in an instant. So, even though the belly still isn't too big, we caved and finally told HD our great news this weekend.

There was nothing terribly grand about it, but we all sat down together this morning, still in our PJs, and showed him a new book we just got:

We love the Berenstain Bears, and while the newer titles, like Baby Makes Five aren't as great in my mind as the old classics, it did the trick. We were able to count the members of the family and talk about how they relate to our family or, better yet, what our family will be soon. From there, Harrison was sold. Instantly OK with the idea, instantly ready to consider life as five instead of just four. Of course, there were some questions...

He wanted to know if the baby would be a Harrison like him or a Raegan like, well, Raegan (for the record, his guess is another boy since we already have a baby girl). He wanted to know when he could grow a baby in his belly (even after I said this wasn't going to happen, he told me, "No, Mama. I'm going to grow and be a big kid and then I can grow a baby in my belly.") He wanted to know when the baby would start to cry and thought it was really cool that the baby was going to start to kick from inside Mama's tummy soon. "Did I do that when I was a baby in your tummy?!" he asked tonight with both disbelief and delight on his face. And while the "when is the baby going to get here?"s haven't really been too bad yet, I have a feeling it could still be a long haul from here until July 10.

I'm happy, though, that he knows and is just as excited as the rest of us. While I questioned Harrison's ability to understand how far away the due date is, I haven't really doubted that he would accept and like the idea of another baby in the house. He loves his little sister to pieces (and apparently even talks about her at swimming lessons at preK - who knew?!), and now that there's going to be another little one around, he knows he'll have even more opportunities for fun, mischief, play, and love....just what a Big Brother does best!

Timing

Apparently picking up reading again has put any time for my writing to the side...I haven't been noticing as many stories of my own to write about because I've been wrapped up in the stories of others for the last week and a half (and have already finished five books in that time!). But it has been lovely to reenter the world of books (and walk away from the computer and TV more) and the timing could not have been better for another reason as well. Warning...if you don't want to read about health stuff or bodily stuff, stop now. But I've always tried to be honest about my experiences, and well, things have been interesting lately.

Since my experience a little over a month ago with sudden, scary bleeding, there have been some ups and downs with my health. I've gone through a couple rounds of sinus yuck and some serious, extended bouts of morning sickness, but all that seems to be on the mend (knocking on wood now, thanks). The whole bleeding thing, I thought, was also done. I had a little over two and a half weeks between that first visit and a repeat ultrasound and had just one day of spotting directly prior to going in to see my doctor again during that time frame. But Baby was fine, so I was fine. That appointment was two weeks ago today and while Baby is still fine and I am mostly still fine, the bleeding has taken on a whole new role in our lives.

For two weeks straight, now, I've been bleeding. I wish I could say spotting, but unfortunately it is more than that. I tried to be calm about it and was for a good week and a half, knowing that I have a hematoma near the baby and that most likely all of this is coming from that as it hopefully resolves itself. No idea what caused that but so far it hasn't been growing, so we've had no reason for major concern except that, now, the blood won't seem to stop. I'm not losing so much that my doctor is freaking out and even I'm not freaking out (too much) knowing that Baby is still, thankfully, fine. We made sure of that last Wednesday. But the bleeding continues and really the only advice she can give me besides waiting it out is putting my feet up and resting as much as possible. Of course she knows this is an impossible task because my day-to-day is far from feet up and restful, but I am trying to put her words into practice as best I can.

Projects around the house (and cleaning/cooking/laundry, for that matter) have taken a back seat right now. Ironically, the more I tell myself that I need to just chill on the couch, the more I notice or think of things I should be doing or organizing or what have you. You would think I'm already nesting or something but I'm pretty sure that's unheard of at 15 1/2 weeks. As it is, I'm hoping that if I just slow down as much as I can (which may not be much, but I have to try) all of the bleeding will stop. The hematoma or whatever is causing it will go away and we can have smooth sailing from here, but of course we have no real answers or guarantees at this point. It is remarkable how even on my third pregnancy, I can feel like I have absolutely no idea what's going on, but I suppose by now I should just now that that is life and especially life as a parent!

Back to timing...it is a good thing that I'm all about books these days because at least books keep my feet up and resting even if they do keep me up too late at night because I just can't stand to stop turning pages. But maybe that is a blessing in disguise because the books also help keep my mind from worrying about all of this so much. Instead, with the time I do have to think and focus on it, I can send up a hope and a prayer and fingers crossed and good karma and good juju and all that love that keeps us moving forward even when we have no idea what's going on.

Resolution

I can't remember the last time I made a New Year's Resolution. Ben can't either, so I don't know if I've ever made one at all in the seven years we've been together. I'm sure, at some point, I made some sort of health or diet promise to myself, like so many of us do, but an actual resolution escapes me at the moment. Considering that we're almost two weeks into the New Year, I'm not sure that what I've currently decided to do is a resolution either. However, since it is still January and I am starting something new, I figured resolution was as good a name as anything for my simple little plan; and since the goal of it is, do something simple, I guess it all ties together nicely.

As an English major/teacher, you would think I read all the time. Devour books, even. While true at times (think semester breaks, summer vacations, and Before Children), I don't so much read any more. Since Harrison was born, I've had a couple spurts where I read, read, read for fun, but it's hard when you're chasing babies all day to find time to curl up with a good book. If I'm being totally honest, by the end of the day when the kids are bed, I usually want to curl up with a bowl of brownies & ice cream and TV shows that don't make me think too much, thanks. So, lately, my reading levels have taken a hit while my screen time in the evening, due to said TV shows and numerous facebook, email, pinterest checks, has continually increased. Seeing as my normal usually includes an inability to shut off my brain and sleep, I decided I needed to unplug a bit more and a bit earlier each night which led to my so-called resolution.

Really, it is simple. I've decided that by 8:30/9:00 each night, I'm done on the computer. No final checks of facebook or email before bed; no wasting 45 minutes on pinterest while Ben finishes grading or getting ready for the school the next day. By no later than 9, I'm done. My hope is that it will give me more time for reading, my prenatal yoga routines, do nothing (turns out I'm really bad at that), and perhaps plain old sleep. This last one might be most vital because it would appear that my children aren't going to be giving up on the 5:50 Wake Up Calls any time soon, and while I consider that to be an awful time to start the day, I clearly don't have much say in the matter.

Like many ideas, I came upon this one by accident on Thursday when I decided to pull my all-time favorite, To Kill a Mockingbird, off the shelf and start rereading it while HD attempted Quiet Time in another room and RL napped upstairs. (I say "attempted" because it is often far from being super quiet and he's still learning how to really entertain himself for that hour each day, but try, try again is our motto with this one and someday we will be most successful!). Because the book is my No.1, I had a hard time putting it down, even with the Quiet Time interruptions/numerous potty breaks (for HD, not me; belly isn't that big yet!). That night, before bed, I started reading again and had to force myself to turn the light off at 11. I knew my children wouldn't understand if Mama was tired the next day just because she wanted to pretend she was back in college and could stay up as late as she pleased, doing whatever she wanted. Parenthood just doesn't work that way.

Then, last night, I really couldn't stop myself. I officially logged off the Internets at 9:00, as per my resolution, picked up my book, and didn't stop until shortly after midnight when I finished the thing. So much for unplugging being the key to more sleep in my life! But it was a Friday night and I knew Ben would be around to help today, so I decided to seize the moment and do what I wanted to do, parenthood or not.

It was fantastic. I was reminded of just how much and just why I love that book so. I was also reminded of what it is like to do something just for me. While I don't think I should stay up until midnight every night reading, I do think I'm going to like this little accidental resolution. Although all of this probably will take a real toll on my sleep in the near future because my next reading plan is to read, again, The Hunger Games series; I read it so quickly the first time, I know I missed things. After that, I plan to find new titles and new authors to fill my evenings, at least until July when Baby No.3 makes his or her appearance. Then it will be back to the crazy hours of a newborn and reading nothing more than parenting books. But I wonder...just how many books will I read before then, all thanks to learning to ignore my computer an hour earlier at night? Hopefully many!

Red-Stripy Pajamas, Will You Please Go Now!

I present to you the cutest little pair of pajamas I've seen for a baby girl during the holiday season:

They make Little Miss look just like a festive little candy cane and they even have a sweet gingerbread girl on them, too. We debuted them on Christmas Eve, but my plan was to have her wear them all winter long; well, that is, until we witnessed how poorly she slept in them that night.

Christmas Eve was spent with family during our Chicago Trip. HD put out cookies for Santa, we read a Christmas Eve Countdown with Curious George, got the kiddos in their super cute, super festive PJs, and sent them both off to bed nice and early. All was well until shortly after Ben and I retired for the night (in the room we were sharing with Raegan, mind you). Just as I was drifting off to sleep, Raegan started making noise. And then more noise. And then MORE NOISE.

Seriously. Since we sleep trained back in August, she's never had a night like this. She was up, screaming and crying for, oh two, two-and-a-half hours or so, right in the middle of the night. Actually, we discovered the next day that the PJs little saying on the front reads, "Staying up for Santa" and we wondered if she had taken to that to heart because we were certainly up at midnight, wide awake and greeting Christmas with a bang. For the life of me, though, I could not figure it out, and I was definitely not looking forward to giving them a second chance to prove their worth beyond cuteness factor.

Flash forward a little over a week to us being back home and trying desperately to recover from all the sickness and ickness that we experienced after our holiday travels. I was so out of it for so long that not much was getting done around the house in terms of laundry and dishes. Ben did a great job of handling the kids day in and day out, but as he quickly learned, doing all of the childcare and house care by yourself is tough, especially when your sick, good-for-nothing-other-than-being-on-the-couch-wife has conned you into watching all of Seasons One and Two of Downton Abbey with her in as short amount of time as possible, taking up most of your evening free time. But I digress...

Back to the laundry. It piled up. No big deal; that's the beauty (and the downfall) of having a laundry chute in the house. You can just keep dropping it to the basement and never have a clue how bad the situation really is. The moment I did realize, though, was when I went to get Raegan dressed for bed on Thursday and the only clean PJs were, naturally, the Red-Stripy pair. I cringed, hoped we wouldn't have a repeat disaster, and put them on Raegan.

The first two-and-a-half hours of the night were fine. Totally normal. Then she started making noise. And then more noise. And then MORE NOISE.

Seriously?! I couldn't believe it. How could a pair of stinkin' cute pajamas be so cursed?!

It was Ben's mom who made the lightbulb click for me, though. She was here for a couple days to help me, and we were talking after Ben got home from a meeting and RL was still not sleeping. Deb asked, "Could it be the way they feel?" And just like that, I knew we had our answer. This is the only pair of PJs Raegan has slept in with this particular "tight" fit. Of course they are not too tight, but they are in fact much different from the rest of her normal night gear of regular fleece and knit pajamas. Harrison has always been my little one who is sensitive to the fit and feel of clothes; it never occurred to me that his sister might have some similar tendencies (especially since he had pajamas like this as a babe and never minded them!). But yes, I do believe the fit brought on her fits.

Normally we let the kids put themselves back to sleep when they wake in the middle of the night, but clearly that wasn't going to happen this night, so Ben went up and did a full change (diaper and pajamas that I have no idea where or how we found) for her and put her back in her crib. Unfortunately it wasn't an immediate fix because she was so upset. Lots of cries and tossing and turning and she finally went back to sleep about 40 minutes later.

Really, all of this is my fault. Although these were a Christmas gift for Raegan from my parents, I was the one who picked them out while shopping with my mom. As you can imagine, I've vowed to correct my error by not allowing RL to wear these anytime soon, if ever again. I might just have to give them away, if I can find some other little girl in 12-month clothes who does not mind a slim fit, that is!

First Class

Considering that we pretty much had no idea what we were doing, our first flights with kiddos went extremely well. With the holidays and snow and extra travelers and sickness (and morning sickness), there were a lot of factors working against us, but I have to say, Harrison and Raegan turned out to be top notch fliers!

Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures to highlight this story. I'm kind of a Type A Nutter when it comes to following the rules, even when I'm not sure something is a rule. And seeing as I didn't want some TSA official or flight attendant tackling me and taking my camera away, I kept it safely tucked away in my very large and very full shoulder bag (part of our success, I believe, was coming armed and ready for just about anything from snacks to toys to books to wipes to you name it, we were probably carrying it. I consider it my holiday gift to my chiropractor as I'm probably going to need an extra adjustment in my neck the next time I see him!). So please don't laugh at me for not knowing/thinking cameras are taboo in airports or planes; it is entirely possible that I was also a wee bit too busy keeping track of one husband, two kids, two carry ons, one very large and very full shoulder bag, one diaper bag, and one Angry Birds backpack to snap any photos!

Plus, I have to say, I wanted to do nothing to anger the TSA Fates because we had such amazing luck getting through security at both Omaha and O'Hare. Seriously. Both times it was quick and painless and without question. And that's even with me forgetting to take out our little plastic baggies of toiletries in Omaha and with my name being wrong on my tickets. Yes, that's right. When Ben ordered our tickets (back in July when we were very, very, very sleep deprived), he put my ticket in my maiden name. What the what?! So when he called United Airlines earlier this month to ask about it, he was told we needed to bring our marriage license and an old ID of mine that showed my maiden name because there was no way to change the name on the ticket. Well, done and done with the marriage license business, but an old ID? I certainly don't have a driver's license with Jennifer Moore on it sitting around anymore, so I just tossed up a hope and a prayer that they wouldn't actually ask for that. It didn't occur to me until we were in Chicago that I could have brought my old passport, but seeing as it was never an issue, it was never an issue!

Our first flight, last Saturday, went really well. So well, in fact, that we were in Chicago 15 minutes ahead of schedule which turned out to be the only real downfall of that leg of the trip; Harrison was not real cool with being back on the ground but still stuck in his seat (I know most adults can relate) for that extra 15 minutes it took for our gate to open. But, he persevered and we eventually got off the plane. Our return flight on Wednesday was a little less smooth. First, when we got to our gate shortly before boarding for our flight that had been on time when we arrived at the airport, there was no plane. Not really a good sign for leaving on time, you know? So we sat and we waited and watched the departure time slowly creep back on the screen, three minutes at a time. Finally a teeny tiny little plane (OK, not like a five-seater or anything, but still, it only had 13 rows which is not my favorite size of plane!), pulled up, unloaded, and was then ready for us. We got on probably half an hour after our original departure time, which was OK, but then we had to sit and wait for the de-icer to come and then the push crew to come and so on and so on, and so it was probably well over 45 minutes on the plane before we got in the air (which was NOT a smooth ride going up, either!). Did I mention that all of this was taking place after 5 p.m. and that my children are usually fed and in bed by 7?!

Even with the little snafu on Wednesday, Harrison and Raegan were airport rockstars. You would think they did this all the time, Harrison especially. He was jazzed to arrive, ride the shuttle, and go through security. He helped put his items in a little basket for the x-ray machine and walked through the metal detector all by himself, no problem. Walking through the tunnel to board the plane, getting situated in his seat, and drinking orange juice in the air were also all highlights for HD. And you wouldn't believe how happy he was that we got dropped off at the wrong terminal in Chicago which meant escalators ("eskalvators", in his words) and a tram ride to get to the correct one! And our teeny tiny plane? Well that was pretty sweet in his world, too, because it meant we got to go down the "restricted" stairs, walk outside, and then climb up in the aircraft. Top all that off with plenty of Campfire time during the flights, and the kid was in seventh heaven!

Thankfully, neither HD nor RL had tummy or ear issues on either flight. Raegan got a little squirmy at times seeing as she didn't have an actual seat to call her own, but she did an amazing job for a wiggly little one-year-old on her first plane ride. A bottle during take-offs helped with her ears, I think, and other than that it was snacks and books and whatever else we could think of to entertain her to pass the time. She did a fair amount of smiling and people watching, too, which probably helped all of us.

While we may have had a few people cringe when they saw us get on their flight or sit down behind them, we really did pretty well and I don't think we ruined anyone else's flight with crying or whining or what-have-yous. Our stay with family in Chicago went really well, too, so altogether, even though it has kicked us in the behind on our return, it was very worth all the hubbub to see how much our babies love to travel and explore.

Flat on the Couch

While I still need to write about our holiday travel adventures, it has been our homecoming the last two days that is on my mind currently. In short, our trip was pretty darn successful, but the reality since returning to Hastings late Wednesday night is that it also took a lot out of all of us.

Although I was only sick on Christmas morning while we were gone, the last 36 hours have been interesting. I went 25+ hours without being able to keep down any food or drink, but again, it was just morning sickness, not the flu. I was on the couch essentially all of yesterday, last night, and then to start this morning. Then, miraculously, some cereal and some Gatoraid stayed in my system. I felt much less like a zombie as the day continued, but still wasn't good for anything besides being on the couch (the 10 minutes it took to make myself some Ramen this afternoon about did me in). While I'm doing a little better tonight, my head is still pounding and I'm definitely doing bedtime early tonight.

Thank Goodness Ben is home on Christmas Break right now because I would have been lost without him the last couple days. He's had to do everything for the kids and around the house because I've been so out of it. And speaking of the kids, they too are pretty well worn after our excursion. Raegan went in to the doctor this afternoon because of a nasty, persistent cough and while we're happy to learn she doesn't have strep, RSV, or the flu, she is still on an antibiotic for five days and nebulizer treatments until her cough improves.

And Harrison? Well, I thought he was doing perfectly fine, but then this happened:

I was resting while Ben started lunch early with RL; HD was just sort of circling around the house, saying his tummy didn't feel good. Ben told him he could sit with them at the table or go join Mama on the couch. So just like that, he came over, crawled up next to me, put his head on the pillow, and fell asleep. At 11:35 a.m.! The child who has never volunteered for a nap in his life, came and snuggled up with me on the couch and then stayed that way for 1 hour and 40 minutes! Part way in, we shifted and spent the rest of the time like this:

I didn't get much actual sleeping in, but did doze a little. For the most part I laid there thinking about my babies and my belly and my sweet, sweet boy, sleeping in my arms. I've never napped with my kids and today made me realize I've missed out a little because it is so peaceful (not to mention, warm).

But, wonderful as the nap was, I should have known something was amiss. Not long after HD got up, he got sick. And then got sick again an hour or so later. He wouldn't drink or eat anything, either. No fever, though, so we don't really know what's going on. The other crazy part? He's already in bed for the night - well before 7 p.m. which never happens if he happens to catch a nap during the day. So I'm hoping the sleep does his body some serious good (and the same for the rest of us, too), because clearly we all need a little recovery right now!

When it Thunder Snows...

As an English teacher, I'm supposed to avoid cliches, but remember the old gem, When it rains, it pours? Well, yesterday we had our first snow of the winter and based on everything going on lately, it felt appropriate that it gave us not only a foot of the white stuff, but that it also came with thunder and lightning and big ol' Nebraska wind. I'm not sure how to end When it Thunder Snows, it... but I'm thinking "dumps" might be the best because that is exactly where my body put me in my own little storm yesterday - the dumps.

After a few weeks of just feeling queasy and tired exhausted, Saturday found me totally wiped out by morning sickness (that came back in the afternoon) and a head cold that was quickly turning into more serious sinus crud. I got through the day, though, and felt better-ish for the next couple days. And by better-ish I mean, not sick to my stomach, just moving slow and going through full boxes of Puffs for my stuffy, aching head.

It's a good thing I was functioning those days because I only had about 1,000 items to check off my To Do list to wrap up the semester and get ready for our upcoming holiday trip to visit family. With the help of my parents and Ben, I was able to get my papers graded, final grades entered, laundry done, bags packed, Christmas letters mailed, Harrison's preschool program attended, and Early Christmas with my folks celebrated. Ben's parents also came for the preK program (and to collect our luggage since we're flying and they're driving), and after everyone left, I did my best to just sit.

Flash forward to 3 a.m. Wednesday morning when I woke up and instantly knew I was going to be sick. And sick I was, every half hour for the next four hours. I knew it wasn't the flu because I had no other flu symptoms; it was "just" morning sickness deciding to royally kick my ass for the day. Although I haven't had as many days with this pregnancy of actually being sick, the days I have been have been brutal. And yesterday was the worst. 

Because of end-of-the-semester work, Ben had to go to school, so I contacted one of our wonderful old neighbors (who really is still a neighbor since we didn't exactly go far when we moved), and she agreed to take Harrison for the morning so I could rest while Raegan napped. Good and good. Except then, at 10:30, it was not good. Not good at all.

I was still in bed downstairs then and RL was still napping up in her crib. I don't know if I rolled over or coughed or what but all of the sudden (Warning - TMI on bodily functions coming), I thought I had wet my pants. Not normal or good for a 30-yr-old, you know? So I got to the bathroom and discovered, much to my shock and horror, blood. And not just spotting. Full on blood. Seeing as I have never so much as spotted a drop with either other baby, I was terrified.

I called my doctor's office and got an appointment for as soon as I could. Then I frantically started calling Ben, trying to figure out what to do with the kids so I could get to the much needed appointment. He finally returned my call and we got all the details worked out so the kids would be covered and he could come with me to see the doctor.

Thanks to getting most of my scared-out-of-my-mind tears out during phone calls to our parents, I was able to talk to my doctor in a fairly calm manner (i.e. only mild voice wavering and nose sniffling). I was honest with her and told her I was very nervous. But then we did the ultrasound and, Thank God, everything was fine. Actually, everything was great (OK, I still felt like poo and was still bleeding, but the baby was amazing)! S/he is growing right on target and has a strong little heartbeat. Actually, we had a wee bit of trouble getting the heartbeat measured because Baby Welsch No. 3 was moving so much. Those of you who know my children are probably laughing right now (I am!) because that is clearly just how we grow them!

So even though we don't know what caused the bleeding, I am feeling much better about everything. The rest of yesterday was still pretty tough for me, though, and I wasn't good for anything other than being flat on a bed or a couch. Thankfully Ben could be here and did a wonderful job of doing everything for the kids. We also made the decision to cut off nursing with Raegan because being so sick yesterday meant I didn't have enough fluids for myself, much less for her. She took a bottle before bed and again this morning and seems to be doing fine with that. We made it 13 1/2 months, so I'm going to be proud of that and pray she makes the transition smoothly.

As for today, I'm now on an antibiotic to help the head junk which should help the stomach junk and hopefully the bleeding junk will just go away on its own. We still have our plans to travel for the holiday and while I'm nervous about getting through the actual travel portion this weekend, I'm hoping that once we get there, all will be well. I hope to take it as slow and steady as possible the next two days, even if I am feeling better because I need to recoup and recover.

It feels like there has been so much heaviness and sadness in the world in the last week, and my heart has been hurting for those who have lost loved ones or can't be with family this holiday season. After yesterday, my heart also feels great relief and thankfulness and gratitude that my little family is still growing and still going. May we and you and everyone else continue through these storms, clinging to what matters most - our love for each other.