In July, one of our discussion topics at YTT was how the body physically manifests what the mind and emotions are experiencing. Often (always?) when part of our body hurts, it is because there is a different block/pain there instead, whether it be energetic, emotional, or both. I have to say, I am a believer.
For months earlier this year, I experienced a pain in the middle of my back, but slightly left of center. Actually, it was right behind my heart. No matter how many trips I took to the chiropractor or massages that I had, we could not get it to go away. Yoga would stretch it out but not make it leave. It wasn't until I had a difficult and very emotional conversation with someone I'd needed to talk to for months that it started to alleviate and disappear. And now that I've aired the hurt my heart was feeling? The pain is gone.
While my heart is hurting again today, it's not because of a conversation I need to have; it's because of a different physical ailment that put down roots, this time in my mouth. And after more than a year of running from it, I'm finally at the point where my body won't let me ignore it any longer. I was at the dentist this afternoon, for what feels like my umpteenth trip as of late (I'm exaggerating - it's been like four visits, but c'mon man - that's a lot for a three-week timeframe!) and found out that I have to have a root canal. Thankfully it's not losing a tooth, but my mouth has had enough and it's put me through hell the last few weeks to let me know that.
It started the week I threw out my back and was trying to get healthy enough to go to Omaha. Thankfully I did and my 200 hr. program is now officially done, but at the time, it was pretty stressful and in the past, when I get stressed, I get canker sores in my mouth - right on my front bottom lip. Except this time it wasn't my lip and they weren't just little sores. They were gigantic and on my tongue and I could no longer chew on the right side of my mouth which is what I've been doing for, ohhhhhhh at least the last year or so, avoiding the occasional pain and tenderness that comes on my left side. For the record, I've been so proud at my last few cleanings (you know, the ones that come every six months) that I didn't have a cavity (because I've had a lot of those in my days) - and it never occurred to me that it might be something even worse. But then the sores and the pain came and I started going to my dentist and he tried grinding the tooth to the change the bite and fitted me for a mouth guard (which is going to help me quit clenching my jaw at night, thank goodness), but neither of those were enough to make the tooth pain subside. So root canal it is.
Does this literal pain in my mouth make me wonder what emotional or mental pain initially caused this physical trouble? Of course, and I totally have my theories about all that. Thankfully, I think I've now said what I needed to say, but the fact remains that I sat on it long enough that I now have to handle the physical after effects. And while I'm totally freaked out financially about paying for said effects, I know that doing so is for the betterment of my health and will be a step toward getting back to balanced. I mean, how long has it been since I've chewed on the left side of my mouth? It is time to even out my jaw and my tension and get rid of this pain. And it is time to let my mouth feel the release of nerves that no longer serve me. Holy. Moly. Cow.
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