Thrush update: we are still struggling.
We are on Round Two of the gentian violet as of yesterday and will continue with that through Sunday. I purchased a fresh bottle thinking that might make a difference, and if nothing else, it certainly stains more. Poor Raegan's whole mouth-face area is purplish, and I keep thinking "Violet, you're turning violet!" when I look at her. The stuff makes her gag when I first apply it to us, so we're doing our best to nurse our way through it and not stain every single inch of ourselves or the house in the process.
Thanks to the help and generosity of a good friend, I now have actual live Acidophilus to take as opposed to the capsule form. Hopefully this will help neutralize the yeast/bacteria that seem to have taken up shop in my system. The bottle she brought me is blueberry flavored and actually tastes just fine, but for some reason the way the stuff in the bottle bubbles (and literally looks alive) kind of freaks me out. The same friend also brought me a bottle of Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar which I am adding to water and drinking. It is gross and gaggy, but I keep doing it, again, in hopes of ridding my body of any and all things nasty.
My other approach to kicking the thrush is severely reducing my sugar intake. Prior to this week I was trying (sort of) to not eat as many sweets. I've come to realize after some research, though, that cutting out my beloved brownies and ice cream habit isn't enough to do the trick. To really fight yeast, you have to really eliminate sugars and yeast from your diet, which is really not an easy task. As it turns out, yeast/sugar is in just about everything. My dear husband did some research online for me the other night and came up with several sites that detail just how strict the Candida (yeast) Diet is. In short, sugar in almost every form, alcohol (duh), grains, fruits, all pork and lunch meats, all fish except for sockeye salmon, all cheese, milk, coffee and teas, peanuts, beans and soy, condiments, vinegars (save for the apple cider), and a lot of fats/oils (save actual butter) ALL equal big NO-NOs. Doesn't look so short, now does it? If you want the really long version, click here. Fortunately, Ben also found another web site that tells me what I can eat. Basically a lot of fresh greens and vegetables, chicken and lean beef, almonds, eggs, and some fruits like oranges and peaches. But if you know me, this diet is asking a lot.
For one thing, I have to remember that I'm nursing. Yes, I want to get rid of the thrush so the nursing feels better, but I have to remain mindful of taking in enough to produce enough for both my body and Little Miss Raegan, too. Another important factor here is the fact that we are moving one week from tomorrow. I honestly don't have time to totally re-haul my entire pantry and diet right now. I also don't have time to make double meals - one for me and one for the boys. We're trying to eat a bunch of the freezer meals I made last fall and some of those just do not follow the Candida Diet.
Lastly, if you didn't know, I am a carb freak. I love bread and pasta and baked goods - they have always been my favorites. So this is a real stretch just for my palate, but I am trying. I've gone on a couple shopping trips now to collect some "OK" items to eat, including more fresh veggies and new alternatives to snacks (list-approved nuts, for example). The real bummer in all of this, though, is how much yeast fights to stay in your system. As I'm working to eliminate it, it's fighting to hang on, literally making me crave sweets and breads more than ever. Nice, huh?
I guess the bright side here, in addition to Goal Number One: Get Rid of Thrush, is that, if I stick to it, I will get real skinny following this diet. I would say "real skinny without even trying" but obviously I am having to try all the time to follow the rules. I know that I won't be able to follow the lists 100% of the time, but I guess I'm hoping that every little change I make helps us move in the direction of healing. It would (will!) be so nice just to enjoy my nursing/nursing my baby girl.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
The Little House
Ever since I was young, The Little House has been one of my favorite books. Even now when I read it, the illustrations are so familiar...as if that little house and its story belonged to my own family and our history. As it is in reality, though, my family has never moved. My parents still live in the same wonderful house where I was raised. Ben's too. So it is not lost on us that in just a couple weeks, our children will be experiencing something we never did as kids.
While I know for sure Raegan will be too young to remember this move, I wonder about Harrison. We talk about the "new house" quite a bit these days and he knows where it is when we go on walks or drive through the neighborhood. He can even look at the pictures of the real estate listing and point to his future bedroom. But does he really understand what this all means?
Today, after his nap, Harrison went up to the little space heater in his room, touched it and told me, "My heater needs to go to the new house" (don't worry, people, it's kid-safe!). Then he put his hand on the lamp and said, "My light needs to go to the new house, too." He looked at me with such big eyes as he made these statements and kind of nodded his head as he spoke, as if to reiterate the importance of his words. I nodded in agreement and told him that yes, all of his things would go to the new house. In one way this doesn't surprise me because he's obviously noticed all of the boxes around our house and he even "helped" pack some things from his closet yesterday morning. But how much can an almost two-and-a-half-year-old really understand about moving? I'm an almost thirty-year-old and the whole process is still a little bit lost on me!
Before today I hadn't really considered that HD might be slightly concerned about the upcoming move. I still wouldn't say that he's really worried or scared, but now I can see that it will take some time, patience and explanation for him to understand fully that we live there and not here once we make the switch. This might be complicated by the fact that the old house will still (always) be just around the corner. I now have visions in my head of Harrison telling me that he wants to come back to this house when we walk by on future afternoon excursions; I can see him insisting that this is still "Harrison's House" and that he should be able to go in it or in the yard. And why wouldn't he? This is his little house; it has been 95% of his world for his entire life, so of course it may be difficult for him to let it go.
For me, saying "goodbye" to this house will be bittersweet. For all the little (and not-so-little) hiccups and projects, it has been a wonderful home to us for the last five and a half years. We bought it, though, as a starter home and that's exactly what we did here. We started our life together as a couple. We started our careers as teachers. We started our family. And now we need more space. We need room to breath and play and grow. All of that will happen in the new house and I am grateful that it will provide us with those opportunities. But I have a feeling that I may have some toddler moments in the future when I take a stroll through the neighborhood and pass by this little tan bungalow...it may just be that I still think of it as "my" house and it just may be that I want to demand to see it again because it has played such an important role in my life. Funny, isn't it? I never realized a little house could be so big.
While I know for sure Raegan will be too young to remember this move, I wonder about Harrison. We talk about the "new house" quite a bit these days and he knows where it is when we go on walks or drive through the neighborhood. He can even look at the pictures of the real estate listing and point to his future bedroom. But does he really understand what this all means?
Today, after his nap, Harrison went up to the little space heater in his room, touched it and told me, "My heater needs to go to the new house" (don't worry, people, it's kid-safe!). Then he put his hand on the lamp and said, "My light needs to go to the new house, too." He looked at me with such big eyes as he made these statements and kind of nodded his head as he spoke, as if to reiterate the importance of his words. I nodded in agreement and told him that yes, all of his things would go to the new house. In one way this doesn't surprise me because he's obviously noticed all of the boxes around our house and he even "helped" pack some things from his closet yesterday morning. But how much can an almost two-and-a-half-year-old really understand about moving? I'm an almost thirty-year-old and the whole process is still a little bit lost on me!
Before today I hadn't really considered that HD might be slightly concerned about the upcoming move. I still wouldn't say that he's really worried or scared, but now I can see that it will take some time, patience and explanation for him to understand fully that we live there and not here once we make the switch. This might be complicated by the fact that the old house will still (always) be just around the corner. I now have visions in my head of Harrison telling me that he wants to come back to this house when we walk by on future afternoon excursions; I can see him insisting that this is still "Harrison's House" and that he should be able to go in it or in the yard. And why wouldn't he? This is his little house; it has been 95% of his world for his entire life, so of course it may be difficult for him to let it go.
For me, saying "goodbye" to this house will be bittersweet. For all the little (and not-so-little) hiccups and projects, it has been a wonderful home to us for the last five and a half years. We bought it, though, as a starter home and that's exactly what we did here. We started our life together as a couple. We started our careers as teachers. We started our family. And now we need more space. We need room to breath and play and grow. All of that will happen in the new house and I am grateful that it will provide us with those opportunities. But I have a feeling that I may have some toddler moments in the future when I take a stroll through the neighborhood and pass by this little tan bungalow...it may just be that I still think of it as "my" house and it just may be that I want to demand to see it again because it has played such an important role in my life. Funny, isn't it? I never realized a little house could be so big.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
It's Not Easy Being Purple
So I totally freaked out about 10 different moms at MOPS this morning. Here I am, carrying around this two-month-old little baby, smile on my face and blue-looking lips on hers. Each one that noticed it got wide-eyed and said, "Um, Mom...." But no worries. Well, not really - there are worries, but not the fact that Raegan's lips aren't the natural or normal pink that they should be.
See, we are STILL treating for thrush and gentian violet is our latest attempt to rid it from both of our systems. As you can tell by the name (or the link if you take a peek at it), it is a purple liquid and it stains. Everything. But the basic concept is that you paint it on the baby's mouth or your nipples or perhaps both and - hopefully - after a few days, the thrush will disappear. Now we've tried weeks of antibiotics for both of us and probiotics/yogurt for me and vinegar washes after nursing and Lotramin and reduced sugar intake for my diet, but none of that has been able to get rid of the white on her tongue or the stinging in me when we nurse (and sometimes even when we're not). So purple mouth it is.
But being purple isn't easy, and not just because it scares everyone who sees her sweet little face. The stuff really is a holy terror mess. I apply it once every evening and then we both have to wear and be surrounded by things that we don't mind turning purple. Fortunately I have some lovely old towels that just happen to be a lovely shade of lavender - perfect for this week of treatment! I also found some old gowns that Harrison managed to stain in other ways and we are using those for Little Miss so she doesn't get icky anywhere other than her face. Olive oil has helped too - I paint a little of that around her mouth before applying the gentian violet and then the purple doesn't stain the outside of her mouth quite so much. So yes - fun, fun.
The thing is, if it works, I don't care. I am obviously willing to try just about anything to get rid of this because I want to enjoy nursing. I plan to do it for at least another 10 months, either way, but I would really appreciate it if I wasn't in pain for that entire time span.
So, no, being purple isn't easy or fun, but hopefully it is effective.
See, we are STILL treating for thrush and gentian violet is our latest attempt to rid it from both of our systems. As you can tell by the name (or the link if you take a peek at it), it is a purple liquid and it stains. Everything. But the basic concept is that you paint it on the baby's mouth or your nipples or perhaps both and - hopefully - after a few days, the thrush will disappear. Now we've tried weeks of antibiotics for both of us and probiotics/yogurt for me and vinegar washes after nursing and Lotramin and reduced sugar intake for my diet, but none of that has been able to get rid of the white on her tongue or the stinging in me when we nurse (and sometimes even when we're not). So purple mouth it is.
But being purple isn't easy, and not just because it scares everyone who sees her sweet little face. The stuff really is a holy terror mess. I apply it once every evening and then we both have to wear and be surrounded by things that we don't mind turning purple. Fortunately I have some lovely old towels that just happen to be a lovely shade of lavender - perfect for this week of treatment! I also found some old gowns that Harrison managed to stain in other ways and we are using those for Little Miss so she doesn't get icky anywhere other than her face. Olive oil has helped too - I paint a little of that around her mouth before applying the gentian violet and then the purple doesn't stain the outside of her mouth quite so much. So yes - fun, fun.
The thing is, if it works, I don't care. I am obviously willing to try just about anything to get rid of this because I want to enjoy nursing. I plan to do it for at least another 10 months, either way, but I would really appreciate it if I wasn't in pain for that entire time span.
So, no, being purple isn't easy or fun, but hopefully it is effective.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
From Minnesota to Colorado
Call us crazy, but we are going on a grand adventure next month. Never mind that we have a newborn in the house and a toddler who is still adjusting to said newborn and his toddler bed. Don't worry about the two dogs either, or Ben's final semester of grad school, my first semester back after having Baby No. 2 OR the upcoming track season. I mean, it's not like we're that busy, right? We have time to go from Minnesota to Colorado, don't you think?
So is this some sort of crazy road trip, you ask? No, my friends, we are moving one block over and half a block up - from Minnesota Avenue to Colorado Avenue in good, old Hastings! When we tried to buy and sell a house last spring we had horrible luck all around and never got one offer on our place even though we had multiple showings. After our supposed-to-be-ours new house went out from under us to another buyer, we decided the timing wasn't right and spent the next several months doing some rather large projects around the house for "someday". Well, Wednesday was that day; we signed papers to not only sell our place but also buy a new house. Technically we weren't even still on the market, but our realtor had an interested party who came to see the house and they liked it. And it just so happens that we managed to find one that we liked, too - just around the corner!
We are thrilled because we will have so much more space (can you say PLAYROOM?!) and we're still in a neighborhood that we like close to the park. Plus it is an older home that has all the charm, character and quirks that we love (and a much, much better kitchen!). So yes, we are crazy to be planning a move - in January, with a new baby, in Nebraska! - but in the end this is going to be such a good thing for our growing little family. So, if you have some empty boxes to spare or a truck bed to fill, or if you want to entertain a toddler or hold a baby, let us know. It's going to be a crazy start to 2012 and I'm guessing we'll need a few extra hands here and there!
So is this some sort of crazy road trip, you ask? No, my friends, we are moving one block over and half a block up - from Minnesota Avenue to Colorado Avenue in good, old Hastings! When we tried to buy and sell a house last spring we had horrible luck all around and never got one offer on our place even though we had multiple showings. After our supposed-to-be-ours new house went out from under us to another buyer, we decided the timing wasn't right and spent the next several months doing some rather large projects around the house for "someday". Well, Wednesday was that day; we signed papers to not only sell our place but also buy a new house. Technically we weren't even still on the market, but our realtor had an interested party who came to see the house and they liked it. And it just so happens that we managed to find one that we liked, too - just around the corner!
We are thrilled because we will have so much more space (can you say PLAYROOM?!) and we're still in a neighborhood that we like close to the park. Plus it is an older home that has all the charm, character and quirks that we love (and a much, much better kitchen!). So yes, we are crazy to be planning a move - in January, with a new baby, in Nebraska! - but in the end this is going to be such a good thing for our growing little family. So, if you have some empty boxes to spare or a truck bed to fill, or if you want to entertain a toddler or hold a baby, let us know. It's going to be a crazy start to 2012 and I'm guessing we'll need a few extra hands here and there!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
A Rare Snuggle
Here is a question of nature vs. nurture...My son does not snuggle. Is this just who he is or because we never had him crawl into bed with us when he was teeny tiny for an afternoon nap or early morning snooze? I can't quite figure it out, but I'm leaning toward nature because, quite honestly, the child has rarely ever been able to sit still, even from Day One (and before, if my ribs remember correctly!). Even when he is going to sleep, he is moving. With Moo Cow and Monkey at his side, he reaches one arm up so he can twirl the hair on the top of his head and he chews/rolls his tongue around in his mouth; at least that is what he has been doing lately when I put him down for his daily afternoon nap (attempt). He also wants to be way, way covered up with his Thomas comforter, so much so that I worry he'll pull the blanket completely over his head when I turn to leave! But with all of these little routines, the closest thing I ever get to a snuggle is having him sit in my lap to read books before bed. Granted, I do get lots of smooches, especially when he's stalling, but HD has just never been a big hugger.
You can imagine my surprise today, then, when he reached up to wrap both arms around my neck as I sang our goodnight song to him prior to nap. "Mama, Mama," he kept saying, and he just wanted to sit there with his arms holding me close. It was so very sweet. At one point I closed my eyes and just held on back, trying to let the moment wash over me. These are the moments that I need to remember when I'm ready to tear my hair out because he's not listening or just threw something at me (again). These are the moments that demonstrate just how much he does care. These are the moments that make the struggles and sacrifices worthwhile, because honestly, I'm not sure if there is any better feeling than having your child pull you close just because they don't want to let you go.
When we have our bad days, I tell myself, "He won't be two forever." But today, I had the same thought run my head and it made me a little sad becuase he won't always want to wrap his arms around my neck and hold me tight. So I'm doing my best to relish in this snuggle because I know just how precious it is on so very many levels.
You can imagine my surprise today, then, when he reached up to wrap both arms around my neck as I sang our goodnight song to him prior to nap. "Mama, Mama," he kept saying, and he just wanted to sit there with his arms holding me close. It was so very sweet. At one point I closed my eyes and just held on back, trying to let the moment wash over me. These are the moments that I need to remember when I'm ready to tear my hair out because he's not listening or just threw something at me (again). These are the moments that demonstrate just how much he does care. These are the moments that make the struggles and sacrifices worthwhile, because honestly, I'm not sure if there is any better feeling than having your child pull you close just because they don't want to let you go.
When we have our bad days, I tell myself, "He won't be two forever." But today, I had the same thought run my head and it made me a little sad becuase he won't always want to wrap his arms around my neck and hold me tight. So I'm doing my best to relish in this snuggle because I know just how precious it is on so very many levels.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Owl Eyes
Normally I love my daughter's eyes. They are the most beautiful combination of dark and light blue and I hope that they retain that color forever. What I don't love, however, is when her beautiful blue eyes take on the spooked, perfect circle look that I have dubbed "Owl Eyes"; truly, they are alarmingly large and largely alarming. When we see these eyes, we know we are in for the long, long haul...like last night when Miss Raegan decided that she would snooze for about 20 minutes starting shortly after 7 p.m. and then would not close her eyes again to sleep until after 2 a.m. Seriously?! I swear I am not pumping her full of caffeine, so where do these evenings/nights come from? And it wasn't just that she wouldn't sleep. She wouldn't stop crying/screaming unless one of us was holding her. Did I mention that this weekend was Ben's turn with the stomach flu and both of us were exhausted from a long day with him totally out of commission? So yeah, not good timing for one of "those" nights. At least Harrison was visiting his grandparents for one more night so we didn't have to worry about all of the commotion waking him as well.
I should have tried to take a picture of Raegan's Owl Eyes last night. I mean, it's not like I could have made the situation any worse by doing so, and really, they are a sight to behold. I picked "owl" because "crazy" seemed mean and they really do resemble the large round eyes you might find on Harry Potter's favorite bird. Now that I think about it, though, the name is even more clever than I intended because of how these eyes are associated with her night owl moments. And just how is being clever working out for me (asks Tyler Durden)? Well, I'm still sleep deprived, but at least I'm finding some humor in it all.
Obviously, as I'm free to type and Ben is grading papers, Owl Eyes have not made an appearance yet tonight. Hopefully this means we're in the clear and will get some actual sleep later. If I don't, I know some other circles just below my eyes that will be growing and darkening even more than they already have.
I should have tried to take a picture of Raegan's Owl Eyes last night. I mean, it's not like I could have made the situation any worse by doing so, and really, they are a sight to behold. I picked "owl" because "crazy" seemed mean and they really do resemble the large round eyes you might find on Harry Potter's favorite bird. Now that I think about it, though, the name is even more clever than I intended because of how these eyes are associated with her night owl moments. And just how is being clever working out for me (asks Tyler Durden)? Well, I'm still sleep deprived, but at least I'm finding some humor in it all.
Obviously, as I'm free to type and Ben is grading papers, Owl Eyes have not made an appearance yet tonight. Hopefully this means we're in the clear and will get some actual sleep later. If I don't, I know some other circles just below my eyes that will be growing and darkening even more than they already have.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
First Outing with Two
I gave it just shy of four weeks, but today I took my first adventure with both kids and no Ben. I mean, we've been in the car just the three of us before, but this was a real honest-to-goodness event - a MOPS meeting. And guess what? We all survived! And we even enjoyed ourselves!
Raegan was the easiest. Not only did she sleep through the first half of it, she's also stinkin' adorable, so it was no problem finding willing arms to hold her when I needed help. Of course, she did decide to grace me with her worst diaper blowout to date and needed to nurse before we left, but I learned a thing or two from the last time I had a newborn so I had both an extra outfit (or two) in the diaper bag and with my nursing cover.
Harrison handled things really well considering it has been over a month since we've been to a meeting. Actually, I think it's been closer to six weeks, so that he remembered the routine & just went with it today was fantastic. Once upon a meeting we had tears at the goodbye when I would take him to the 2-yr-old room. Today I had to ask him - twice - to give me a smooch before I scooted out the door. The only issue was that I spent a little too much time chatting as the meeting wrapped up and he got freaked out when other moms started coming to get their kids. When I got there - still right at 11:00, which is end time - he was sitting on the lap of one of the childcare providers, sobbing. I hate to see him upset like that but it did melt my heart when he jumped up and ran over to see me saying, "Mama! Mama! Mama!" I gave him lots of hugs and kisses and told him that I missed him too. He seemed happy to know that and was also happy to see his baby sister which is always nice. He even stayed by my side as we walked back out to the van without even hanging on to my hand!
For me it was a challenge to get up and ready and there on time, but I am so glad that I did. It was so nice to see friendly and familiar faces and have some much needed adult time. The other thing I appreciate about MOPS meetings is that I can sound off about what issues we are struggling with and there is always someone there to listen, relate to, and help. Sometimes it really just means the most to know that you are not alone and your child is not the only child to do __________(fill in the blank with your misbehavior of choice). Not only did I get to vent about the struggles, but I also got to bask in the joy of being a "new" mom again and that is a positive boost that I really needed this week.
We continue to have highs and lows each day it seems and unfortunately some days this week have been more down than up. But I'm doing my best to keep my chin up and at least start each day fresh even if the previous one didn't go or end so well. Perhaps one of these days we'll just go up from start to finish. And even if we don't, at least I know I've got my family and friends and fellow moms to support me.
Raegan was the easiest. Not only did she sleep through the first half of it, she's also stinkin' adorable, so it was no problem finding willing arms to hold her when I needed help. Of course, she did decide to grace me with her worst diaper blowout to date and needed to nurse before we left, but I learned a thing or two from the last time I had a newborn so I had both an extra outfit (or two) in the diaper bag and with my nursing cover.
Harrison handled things really well considering it has been over a month since we've been to a meeting. Actually, I think it's been closer to six weeks, so that he remembered the routine & just went with it today was fantastic. Once upon a meeting we had tears at the goodbye when I would take him to the 2-yr-old room. Today I had to ask him - twice - to give me a smooch before I scooted out the door. The only issue was that I spent a little too much time chatting as the meeting wrapped up and he got freaked out when other moms started coming to get their kids. When I got there - still right at 11:00, which is end time - he was sitting on the lap of one of the childcare providers, sobbing. I hate to see him upset like that but it did melt my heart when he jumped up and ran over to see me saying, "Mama! Mama! Mama!" I gave him lots of hugs and kisses and told him that I missed him too. He seemed happy to know that and was also happy to see his baby sister which is always nice. He even stayed by my side as we walked back out to the van without even hanging on to my hand!
For me it was a challenge to get up and ready and there on time, but I am so glad that I did. It was so nice to see friendly and familiar faces and have some much needed adult time. The other thing I appreciate about MOPS meetings is that I can sound off about what issues we are struggling with and there is always someone there to listen, relate to, and help. Sometimes it really just means the most to know that you are not alone and your child is not the only child to do __________(fill in the blank with your misbehavior of choice). Not only did I get to vent about the struggles, but I also got to bask in the joy of being a "new" mom again and that is a positive boost that I really needed this week.
We continue to have highs and lows each day it seems and unfortunately some days this week have been more down than up. But I'm doing my best to keep my chin up and at least start each day fresh even if the previous one didn't go or end so well. Perhaps one of these days we'll just go up from start to finish. And even if we don't, at least I know I've got my family and friends and fellow moms to support me.
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