Thank You

I have always been a Thank You kind of girl. I was raised to be one, actually, but even now that I'm grown and on my own, I still believe in writing Thank Yous. For gifts, mostly, but thanks to reading 365 Thank Yous with my book club, I am hoping to write more in 2014 for the less tangible but still amazing "gifts" I have received from those around me. Even though it is not quite the new year yet, I come to you now with my first official post-holiday Thank You and I'm making it public because I have to.

We just got home this afternoon from a week of travel for Christmas celebrations with both the Welschs and the Moores. HD & RL have actually been gone for 9 days, so needless to say, we are one worn out little family. We had a great time seeing everyone and sharing gifts and meals and laughs and games and all those fun holiday things. Life with Littles makes the holidays extra special and, I'll be honest, extra exhausting. Think about it. You tell a 4-yr-old that some jolly old dude is going to come in the night and leave him presents and you really think that 4-yr-old is going to wait for a decent hour to start coming to your room to ask if you can all go downstairs to see if Santa came yet?!?! 4:13 a.m. my friends. That is when HD started asking for Santa on Christmas morning. Did the joy of watching him open his gifts make up for the bleary eyes later in the day? Absolutely - just a little note to self for Santa next year, though. She *ahem* he shouldn't get noisy toys via Amazon that she *ahem* he can't volume test before leaving for the children. Just saying.

When you take the general excitement of Christmas and holiday travel and you add in sharing a room with a very noisy 5 1/2 month old sleeper, you are really asking for it. I would have loved to stay longer at my parents' house but we absolutely had to come home today because I am so sleep deprived after the last week (Hello! Did you see the fb post about taking RL to the ER last Sat. night for what ended up being croup that has fortunately gotten better but still, what a way to start things off!). I don't think my body or my brain or my emotions could handle one more night of being away from home. We need our own beds and most importantly, our own bedrooms! Lincoln is my No.1 Little Dude, but man, he is a terrible roommate. Thank goodness that Ben has the next week off from school so we can just unpack and unwind and take it nice and easy as we roll into 2014.

Naturally, while we were gone, we had our mail held and came back to a nice little bundle of Christmas cards this afternoon. I started going through the stack while Ben put RL & LT down for naps which brings me back to the public nature of the Thank You that I'm in a roundabout way trying to write right here. The very first envelope I chose to open was addressed just to me and had no return address on it. I honestly thought it was a bill or junk mail of some sort which is why I opened it first, saving the obvious Christmas cards for later. Imagine my surprise when I found a typed, unsigned letter expressing someone's care and concern and appreciation for me and my family and my writing, saying that they wanted to do something to continue my growth and were including a way for me to do that with a punch card to my beloved local yoga studio. TEARS, my friends. Lots and lots of tears as I first read it, when I showed it to Ben and as I write this now.

Since you didn't sign your name but did say that you read this blog, this blog is how I know best to say Thank You. I am so blessed with an amazing support system and you are obviously part of that. Yoga is keeping me whole these days so you picked very well and I am touched to be on the receiving end of such kindness and generosity. Of course my curious mind wants to guess and to know who you are but I respect that you wanted to send some anonymous good out into the world. Know it is being received with heartfelt thanks and immense gratitude. And I will find ways in the immediate and long-term future to repay this, if not to you since you are unnamed, to others.

Believe there is good in the world. Be the good. When we show up for each other, we are the good. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

25 Things

My favorite students are the ones who teach me in return and I have been lucky enough to get to know some of those gems outside of the classroom, too. One student who happened to be in the very first class I ever taught at my very first job as a full-blown adult is still in contact via the beauty of the interwebs and I couldn't be more proud to know her. She's awesome. She's a writer among many things and recently she posted that during this time of year, every year, she and her hubby (and sometimes kids) make a list of 25 things they accomplished in the last 12 months. What an awesome idea was my reaction to that followed immediately by I totally want to steal that. So I am. And because I share so much with those of you who take the time to read these posts, I'm sharing my list. Maybe you'll make a list too? Share it with me if you'd like, or keep it for yourself as a memento of 2013. Even if you hate to journal, this could be a really cool and really easy*  way to keep track of the simply amazing and amazingly simple accomplishments of your years.

*I'm retracting that this is easy. This actually took me a lot of time and thinking, but it was very much worthwhile in the end; so still do it, but don't expect it to be a breeze.

25 Things in 2013
1. I pushed out my third baby au natural. He is totally awesome. Every night as I dream feed him, I look at his sweet head covered in blond fuzz and I smile because my heart wants to burst with love for him.
2. I rekindled a love affair with yoga that has brought me great joy, physical strength, and an abundance of gratitude and awareness.
3. I learned to ask for help when I needed it most and have made great strides ever since.
4. I read 40 some books. That is so cool.
5. I joined a book club! Best decision ever!
6. I taught two night classes in one semester (and learned that I probably won't be doing that again any time soon).
7. I made the switch post-baby from regular coffee to decaf. It was brutal, but I've adjusted.
8. This blog post will make #75 for the year. HOT DANG!
9. I met/made new friends who felt like long-lost kindred souls.
10. I got really, really skilled in the deep, dark bowels of April at cleaning up sick kid messes. Dear Universe, I would prefer no more practice in that area for a very long time, thank you very much.
11. I parked our Chrysler in the garage stall without damaging it or the garage. And I pulled out of the garage in the Chrysler without damaging the house. I did each of these things exactly once (not that I did it other times and caused damage - that's just how rare a feat it really is). If you knew how wide that car is and how weird our driveway is, you would be very proud of me, too, I think. Amazingly simple things - they really do count!
12. My back has improved so much in recent months that I now only see my chiropractor once every three weeks.
13. I started taking photos of me nursing my baby. I'm sad I don't have images of doing so with the first two, but it's never too late to start something that matters to you.
14. I learned to trust a 20-month-old as she fed herself cereal every morning.
15. I cooked meals and actually included garlic and onion in some of the recipes that called for them. OK, like two, but progress is progress.
16. I learned that nothing beats seeing my four-yr-old's dimples as he tells me about school, or makes up stories or jokes, or squeezes my legs tight and says "thanks" for making his fave, Stromboli.
17. I didn't feel one single itch after celebrating my seventh wedding anniversary.
18. I edited my very first book manuscript. Wait - that's confusing. I edited a book manuscript for an author for the very first time. Perhaps that is more clear!
19. I survived (and even enjoyed) an out-of-state road trip with my family of five when our newest member was just three weeks old.
20. I did not freak out when one of my children required stitches for the very first time.
21. I painted two bedrooms in our house prior to Lincoln's arrival (w/ some help, of course).
22. I discovered that heels are still not my friend but wedges are. #shortgirlproblemsandsolutions
23. I was offered a job sight unseen that I could not take but was honored by it all the same.
24. I actually did 10-20 projects/recipes/etc. of the tons that I pinned this year. Yea, me!
25. I leaned that strong is better than skinny and I hope to keep that switch in "s" words permanent.

Early Birds

Well, we are just steeped in descriptive cliches here in the Welsch residence these days. Not only are our kids movers and shakers, they are early wakers. But you already know this, right? The early wake up is part of our sleep story, as is the sleep training and the early bedtimes and the extreme adherence to naps (well, at least for the first two kids. sorry, Lincoln!). Our sleep story also includes shared rooms and we worried when we moved the big kids into together that we were going to have major problems with them waking each other up, but actually it has continued to be just been Ben and I who have taken the brunt of that.

To recap, until Baby Sis came along, Harrison was an awesome 7-7 sleeper. Sometimes 7:30 even, which to me, two years later, seems like it would be the best Christmas present EVER to get that even one day much less all. the. time! Once he was no longer in the crib, though, our problems began and while we eventually figured out how to keep him in his bed to go to sleep at night, potty training officially ruined our sleeping lives because how do you tell a kid, no you can't come out of your bed even if you have to pee? Kind of defeats the purpose, right? To his credit, he doesn't use the potty chip very often during the night (knock on wood) but there are plenty of early mornings when he comes in our room to use the upstairs bathroom that is, sadly, attached to our room. Technically he can get there through the hallway but what fun is there in that?

Enough of these early morning bathroom runs have occurred over the months that I now believe HD's internal alarm has reset itself. In the 5s! And not just 5:50. I can actually handle 5:50. But the 5:30s or 5:20s? Seriously, please, NO! Someone make it stop! Especially on the nights when Lincoln nurses in the 2s or 3s, this early wake up call seems just wrong.

The problem in the last month or so, is that in order to preserve RL's morning sleep, we started letting HD stay in our room, at least once the clock said 6. But then he started coming in every morning, half zombie-fied/sleep walking, not to pee but to see if the clock said 6. And crying loudly when it wasn't and he was sent back to his room. It didn't take long for me to realize that we had just created a new beast for our little problem and that something had to be done.

Earlier this year we bought a little nightlight thing called the Sleep Buddy from Amazon that is programmed to turn off (or in our cave-needing kids' case, turn on) when it is OK to get up out of bed. We tried it a few months ago and had a similar problem. Harrison kept coming in to ask when the blue light was going to come on (WTG?!). I'm sure it works for some people, so if you think your kid is one of them and you want ours, let me know because after three days of those shenanigans, we gave up on it.

This time we decided to try a trick I saw at a friend's house - a digital clock with dark tape over everything but the hour indicating number. For inquisitive little ones like Harrison, this is perfect because he knows his numbers but he thinks that if he sees a 6 anywhere in the clock readout, he's golden and good to go. So 3:06 or 4:26? Those would all be viable options if we left him with a whole clock to view. But thanks to LMZ (shout out!), we learned the tape over the clock trick and came up with this last Tuesday:

I know. You're wondering when I married MacGyver who decides to tape clocks to lamps, not to mention, where did we find that awesome lamp?! What can I say? Ben is handy like that and when you combine my soft spot for really unique lamps and Ben's Grandma Louise's skills at auctions, you just get awesomeness such as this.

Obviously we were hopeful that Night One of the awesomeness would be a success. It was not. Ben explained the whole concept to HD and he was totally on board, but then his bladder got in the way and he came in during the mid-5s to pee. And then again before 6 to say that the 6 wasn't there yet. Oh, child of mine! Really?! Unlike our Sleep Buddy attempt, we decided to keep going though (because, frankly, we had no other options/ideas).

Night Two was even worse. Ben had to leave the children unattended for a bit during bedtime to change LT's diaper and wouldn't you know it? They messed with the clock. At 12:20 a.m., HD came into our room to tell us, "The clock's making funny noises in my room" at which point, yes, we could hear the alarm going off and his sister crying! Oh, me. REALLY?!

We stayed the course, however, through the still-too-early risings of Night Three and Night Four and finally, finally! on Night Five we had success! Harrison did not come in until our clock read 6:02! Pardon me while I have a little dance party in honor of his accomplishment.........

Of course we have no idea where this will go from here or what holiday travel might to do our sleep in general, but this has me so hopeful that maybe we can retrain his body to wait for the 6s. And do I dare to dream? Perhaps, someday far, far away, a return to the 7s?!

Viparita Karani

Even if you don't think yoga is your thing or ever could be your thing, I want to challenge you to try something - one simple pose that might bring you just the health and well being (mental and physical) you need during this busy holiday season - Legs up the Wall, known formally as Viparita Karani. LutW was something I pinned a while ago because it claimed I could get two hours of sleep in twenty minutes (for seriously? yes, please! said the tired mama in me). While I still don't know if that claim is entirely true, I was still inclined to try it, especially after it was also done during a class at my local studio. During that practice, when we were actually focusing on shoulder stands, the instructor told us all about the benefits of getting the blood flowing in the opposite direction that become possible when you do inversions such as these. She also explained that LutW is said to be beneficial for fighting colds and congestion, so it would be great to pull out and practice at the first sign of exhaustion or sinus troubles. Again, my mama self is surrounded by Littles and their germs 24/7, and cold and flu season is here, so anything to get me feeling more rested and less likely to get sick seemed like a great idea.

Obviously, I'm no yoga teacher (yet!), so if you want a professional to explain this to you (and you might want to read it even if you do take my word for you, you kind, kind soul), read this. It's super and will help you get where you need to be with Viparita Karani. For our purposes here, I'll tell you a little bit about my approach and the results I'm seeing from it.

I started doing this pose on a regular basis a couple weeks ago. I still haven't fit it in daily, but on the days when I'm really dragging, I make an effort to find those 10-15 minutes to get my legs on the wall and my body refreshed. I think only once did I make it a full 20 minutes and that had to have been on a weekend when Ben was around to run herd on the herd.

Since we have hardwood floors in the majority of our main level, I take one of our thickest throw blankets and fold it up in quarters so it can support my upper body as I chill on the floor. The article linked above explains several ways to get into the pose and I take one of two approaches: I sit with one hip touching the wall (knees bent) and then rotate my body so my legs are vertical as my torso becomes horizontal on the blanket OR I get my back down first and then shimmy my way towards the wall until my sits bones reach it and my legs are straight up. Confession - I don't bolster or prop myself the way the article says I should but I figure, work with what you've got, so the blanket and the wall and I make do with just each other. In other words, don't feel like you have to have a bunch of yoga gear to give this a try!

From there I usually find that my hands fall to my belly which creates, for me, a nice grounding sensation as I relax into this. Your arms can also come out, palms up, at your sides. Easy peasy - whatever works for you. Because I still need so much (years perhaps of) practice at clearing my mind, I find it helps to turn on some calming music to help me focus and breathe and just slow down for a bit. My iTunes has exploded in activity since my return to yoga, mostly because I hear great songs at class and then have to have them for my own practice at home. The song that came from the studio to my house that I've been using the most for LutW is MC Yogi's "Shanti (Peace Out)" because it is long (almost 7 minutes) and super chill; it's even been known to (almost) drown out the sound of Angry Birds being played on the Kindle on the couch next to me while I throw my legs up the wall. Also, I know if I listen to it twice-ish, I'm good to go on time (without having to watch a clock) and can begin to work my way out of the pose.

Again, not an expert, but if you try this, take your time getting out of it. Your legs are going to feel funny shortly into it and are definitely going to need a minute to get the blood flowing down again as you bring your feet back to the floor. I like to draw my knees into my chest, hug my arms around my legs, and then rock side to side for a bit before getting up. That's actually a great thing to do for your back anyway, so even if you don't to LutW, give yourself a little backrub with the side-to-side roll once (or twice) a day.

In case you are a visual learner, this is what it all looks like for me. Again, the computer is there only for musical playing purposes.

Set your chill song to repeat and settle in, nice and slow with big deep breaths. If you can, focus on that breath, and if you can't (I'm often all over the place), just keep coming back to it, as many times as you need. My back always feel better after doing this and my legs feel alive and tingly once I'm back upright and walking around the house. And I have to say, it really does help rejuvenate my head, especially if it was an early morning with the kiddos (which is always). For these benefits alone, I'm drawn to continuing this practice.

What do you think? Does this sound like something you can do? Will do? I know this is a crazy busy time of year for pretty much all of us, so maybe you're thinking you don't have 10-15 minutes to sit with your feet up your wall, but that might just be exactly why you need to slow down and give it a shot. See if the reverse of blood flow or position helps you feel differently about life in general or a specific problem or maybe your overall health. Plus, it's free and (semi) painless, so how about it? Will you let me know what you think if you put your legs up the wall any time soon?

Wiggle Worms

While I realize this is no surprise to any of you, I feel the need to state (again) that I have active children. How active, you might ask? Well, from my decaffeinated point of view, VERY active! They are the products of my racing mind and my hubby's ever-tapping feet (no, really...the guy can't sit still to save his life), so how could our Littles be any other way? And why would I want them any other way? Well, fewer gray hairs and more time to read might be two reasons, but meh...gray hairs and time for books will come regardless, so I might as well embrace my current season of life which I think I shall dub The Wiggle Years (a.k.a The Sleepless Years but wiggling is so much more fun than not sleeping, so let's keep the focus light, shall we?).

The Wiggle Years began four years ago when Harrison was just about the same age as Lincoln is now. As a baby, Harrison loved to bounce and scoot and roll. Actually, as soon as he did this for the first time (he started on the blanket), I knew my freedom as a mama - as a person - was severely limited because I needed to keep an eye on him constantly to know where and into what he was getting: 

Of course, it's not just my boys who are wiggly. Raegan was such a squirmer that I have to admit, I really don't have fond memories of nursing her. I mean, we did it and it was fine, great, and even lovely sometimes, but for the most part, breastfeeding her was always part wrestling match. She was all over the place with arms and legs moving even while on my lap, so it's no wonder that she's stayed such a little peanut what with all that simulataneous consumption and exertion of calories. She just a strong little monkey who has been pulling tricks like this since well before she was one: 

And now the Wiggle Years continue with Mr. Lincoln. Good gracious, that child can move. Perhaps you remember me writing that he was my most active babe in the belly yet? Well, look out world, because I think that might be true out of the womb as well. Just under a week ago, when LT turned five months, he finally managed to achieve his long-sought-after goal of flipping from his back to his tummy. And in doing so, he seems to have flipped some switch in his brain that said, "YES! MOVEMENT! LOVE IT!" because my previously chill baby is now squirmy as all get out. Instead of hanging out in his swing or bassinet during the day, he much prefers to be on the floor where he can wiggle and flip. Just look at him! 

And, suddenly, Lincoln's nursing sessions are starting to seem very similar to Raegan's in that I'm having a hard time keeping his head facing me and his arms and legs still. Last night, during our little dream feed before Ben and I go to bed, Lincoln's bottom arm stretched out behind my ribcage and his little fingers with his sharp little nails started wiggling all over the place. I noticed it and it wasn't pleasant, but I really didn't think much of it. That is, until this morning, as I was getting ready for the day, and Harrison came in to see me and said, "Mama! What's that?!" because I had scratch marks in a neat little cluster on my back. Not to worry, though; Dr. Harrison patched me right up with an Angry Birds Band Aid that he insisted I have because a kiss just would not be enough to heal me. Oh, my babies. You are so funny. And soooooo wiggly! 

LT's pretty strong and pretty determined, so I would imagine it's only a matter of time before he's trying to keep up with the older two. Good thing I'm doing my yoga twice a week so I can get strong like all of them; I'm going to need the strength and stamina to keep up with this crew! 

Christmas Books Unwrapped

Well, we are one week in for the Countdown, and so far, so (pretty) good.

First off, my hubs is pretty smart. To keep things even, he came up with the idea last weekend to have one kid pick a book each morning and the other one open it (kind of like one kid cuts the cake and the other picks the first piece, right?). And then we just flip flop the order every other day. This really is brilliant because otherwise Harrison would be trying to pick and open every thing because, well, he's 4 and he just gets the notion of presents more so than Miss Raegan. But so far, as long as we can remember whose turn it is to do what, everyone seems satisfied with the "rules" of this new game. Harrison was quite encouraging on Day 1 when Raegan got to pick the book, saying, "You like the ones with snowflakes, right Raegs? Good job, Raegs! You picked the snowflakes!"

You see, there was one entire day of the books existing under the tree without any of them being opened and that was just a bit of holiday torture for my children. So Harrison decided he would sort the books by wrapping paper and since I used three different kinds, he made three different piles. And now he's making all kinds of plans on which pile will be depleted first and which paper will the be last one to open on the day Santa comes and all that. So far his sister is playing along nicely, but I have a feeling there may be some tears of frustration if/when she goes against the grain on book/paper selection. Oh, well. In everything, even a Christmas countdown, there is a lesson, eh?

The other thing we decided to do was to record the order in which we opened the books. Since we plan to use most/all of these titles year after year, we thought it would be fun to be able to look back at years past to compare opening order. Plus Harrison's young mind is sort of blown by the whole notion that this will happen year after year and that it won't always be the same, so I guess keeping a list is sort of like keeping proof for him. See below.

Day Three and we had our first incident. Ben and I were both out of the living room, getting ready for the day when I heard some commotion with the kids. Sure enough, a fourth book was unwrapped and in Raegan's hands when I came in although I can't be entirely sure she was at fault here. We put it up and said that will be their book for Day Four - no new wrapping and no new opening. *Sigh* I guess they are a little too little to really get the whole patience/waiting thing just yet. Good thing I don't have any real presents under the tree yet!!

So here's the list. I will keep updating this post with titles and commentary as we continue through the piles.

1) Home for Christmas by Jan Brett -- starting things off with one of the biggest books (go figure!).
2) Bear Stays up for Christmas by Karma Wilson -- cute little rhyming story.
3) The Berenstain Bears Meet Santa Bear by Stan & Jan Berenstain -- the first that we've encountered a book with which the children are previously familiar. They were a bit thrown off by that, but we tried to play it up with "How cool! You already know this story!!" I'm not sure they were buying that but this will be the norm after this year - all the books will be (more) familiar.
4) The True Night before Christmas by Timothy Penland -- illustrations are by the author's granddaughter which is pretty awesome and sweet but the book talks about the king wanting to kill baby Jesus. Really?! Maybe it's just me, but shouldn't kids' books generally avoid words/ideas like killing? I don't care if it is relevant to the bible; that stuff just isn't necessary for youngens in this manner.
5) Olivia Helps with Christmas by Ian Falconer -- just as awesome and entertaining (for kids and adults) as all the other Olivia books.
6) Christmas Eve Good Night by Doug Cushman -- again, HD was not to be fooled by a book we previously owned (from a preK book order last year). "But Dad, I have that book on CD. I can just listen to it on CD!"
7) The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg -- I don't know how this whole tradition is going to go next year, as Harrison is slightly less than impressed each time we open a book he already knows, but I did note that even though RL brought this to me last night to read again, it was HD who sat by my side and listened to the whole darn thing.
8 ) The Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore -- the kiddos loved this one, especially the naming of the reindeer and the illustrations by Christian Birmingham.
9) The Christmas Magic by Lauren Thompson -- this story really is as pretty as its cover!
10) The Twelve Days of Christmas illustrated by Jan Brett -- oh, my. The children never tire of reading/singing this one.
11) Christmas in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder -- bestill my Little House heart - I love this.
12) The Spirit of Christmas by Nancy Tillman -- AND the twelve days of Christmas page is the favorite (see above).
13) Merry Christmas, Curious George! by HA and Margret Rey -- Oh, Georgie! How we love you so. So much so that RL ripped a page she was so excited to be flipping through it again last night.
14) Jingle Bells - Little Golden book, vintage version. RL loves singing this song!
15) The Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore
16) Thomas' Christmas Delivery by
17) How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Suess
18) The Legend of St. Nicholas by Dandi Daley Mackall
19) The Best Christmas Book Ever by Richard Scary
20) Stick Man by
21) Santa is Coming to Nebraska by Steve Smallman
22) A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens (picture book)
23) Making a Friend by Marc Rosenthal
24) The Legend of the Candy Cane by
25) The Nutcracker by

Christmas Book Countdown

Although I still shake my head a bit over all the things I pin and don't actually do, I am still pleased whenever I pull off anything I find on Pinterest. With the help of some early Christmas gifts from a few family members, we will soon be pulling off one of my biggest Pinterest projects yet - a countdown of books leading up to Christmas.

I saw the idea last year and started collecting titles then, but this year I decided I really wanted to make it happen. We don't have an advent calendar of any kind and don't do the whole Elf on the Shelf thing, but Harrison seems old enough this year to be able to get into a countdown and naturally I love the whole book focus. And again, thanks to our own little family of elves, we were able to get them all ordered and delivered and ready to go before Dec. 1. Here is what they look like wrapped and ready to go:

Our plan is to take this stack of wrapped books and stick it under the tree before Sunday. Then we'll have the kids pick a new "present" each day to open. More likely, HD & RL will take turns every other day doing the selecting, but you get the gist. This way they will have something to open and read each day leading up to Christmas and each opened book will hang out for the month in our living room to be read as many times as they like. To be honest, I hadn't read all of these titles before buying/asking for them, so I have no idea what the kids (or I) will think of some of them. Ben was reading some to me tonight as I wrapped them and wow, some are too wordy or too heavy for a 4, 2,  and less-than-1, but they will grow with our kids. Right?! Really, though, I hope to do this from now until forever and I really hope it is something our little family can look forward to year after year (and yes, I really do plan to keep this up even when they are eye rolling teenagers because that's how much I love my littles!).

In case you're interested in doing something similar, I broke down our list of 25 for you and am including pictures so you can see the pretty covers. I'm also including a little commentary here and there, because you know, I'm wordy like that! Perhaps I'll also do a follow up post in January to let you all know how this little tradition went during its inaugural year!

The Nutcracker and the Mouse King by E.T.A. Hoffmann *So many words! Will have to read selectively for a few years.
Making a Friend by Marc Rosenthal
Thomas' Christmas Delivery by Rev. W. Awdry *Thomas has been so dear to us during HD's early years, we couldn't help ourselves!
Richard Scarry's Best Christmas Book Ever! *HD LOVES Busy Town!
The Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore *Classic!

Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol (picture book version) *first page talks about death; might have to read selectively for a few years on this one!
Olivia Helps with Christmas by Ian Falconer
Christmas in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder *LIW is one of my childhood heros; love this!
The Legend of the Candy Cane by Lori Walburg
The Legend of St. Nicholas by Dandi Daley Mackall

Stick Man by Julia Donaldson *Oh, the rhyming cuteness. Loved this when Ben read it to me as I wrapped.
Bear Stays Up for Christmas by Karma Wilson
The True Night Before Christmas by Timothy Penland
Home for Christmas by Jan Brett
The Spirit of Christmas by Nancy Tillman

Jingle Bells by Kathleen N. Daly *A Little Golden Book given to us by Ben's mom from when he was little (possibly before??)!
The Christmas Story by Jane Werner *Another LGB from Grandma Deb.
The Berenstain Bears Meet Santa Bear by Stan & Jan Berenstain *My childhood copy!
Santa is Coming to Nebraska by Steve Smallman *Saw this at the office store and couldn't help myself since Hastings is actually named on one of the pages.
The Christmas Magic by Lauren Thompson *Don't judge a book by its cover, blah blah blah - I love the cover of this book and can't wait to read it with the kiddos!

Christmas Eve Good Night by Doug Cushman
Margret and H. A. Rey's Merry Christmas, Curious George 
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss *From my parent's house, possibly my mom's childhood copy?
The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg *Classic!
The Twelve Days of Christmas by Jan Brett *Love Jan Brett's illustrations (and her original books, too).

C'mon Get Happy!

A few months ago, the following questions were posed to me: "What do you do for yourself? What do you have in your life that makes you You? What makes you happy?" And you know how I responded? I started crying. I couldn't think of a single thing that was truly mine and was really just for me, that made me truly happy. Not that there is anything wrong with being a wife and a mama but those don't feel like elements of my life that are really mine. Those are my relationships with others, and they are my heart, of course, but if you took those off the table (please, don't take them off the table!), what was left for me?

It was not a high point, my friends. "Ummmmm, books? I like to read?" I answered between tissue swipes at my eyes and nose. But even that was a question. Was that enough? Did that really make me Me and make me happy?

Sort of. I do love to read and always have. As an elementary student, I read my tail off, working every summer to make sure I was one of the (if not the) top readers in my town's Summer Reading Program. In college, whenever I was home on Christmas break or Summer vacation, I read voraciously....taking in all the novels I could to give my mind some play between semesters. I went to grad school for English-flipping-lit, people, so yes, books are me, but as I got older and babies started entering my world, I let my bookish self go a bit. I still read plenty of parenting books, but if you've been reading along long enough, you might remember how that went. This year I made a conscious effort, a resolution of sorts, to start reading again, and with a month in 2013 to go, I'd say I've done pretty well (you can view my running list of titles read here just don't judge me for not editing it). So while I can still say without a doubt, reading and books are a part of me, they don't always give me that greater sense of self or peace. If anything, they give me a place to escape and a reason to stay up late (which I clearly don't need!). So I had to start looking for other things.

I tried walking. But this is Nebraska and it's November. It is cold and the sun goes down early and a daily walk just wasn't happening for me. Rather, I wasn't choosing to make it happen because great as it is to get out and walk (I do like it), it wasn't feeding my soul. It was making me long to run and that just wasn't serving me either based on my history with my back and all.

As you probably know if you've been reading along lately, I was lucky and the next thing I tried, yoga, was my Golden Ticket. I somehow managed to find something that made me feel strong and whole and humble and calm and peaceful and (ta-da!) HAPPY. And the whole thing surprises me still because I'm not new to yoga. But with my re-commitment to it, it is new. And so am I.

Every time I'm on the mat I learn something. Something about life or myself or this journey or what-have-you. I learn. I feel alive. I FEEL. Because of this, I am able to get through the crazy and long-arse days with three littles in the house and I don't greet my husband every evening with a laundry list of what went wrong that day (like I used to). Because of this, I am able to look at myself in the mirror and smile. I can see the strength in my muscles building rather than nit-picking my post-baby body and appreciate the glow in my eyes instead of staring at the oh-geez-I'm-in-my-30s-lines-and-grays that have started to appear. Because of this, I am starting to know myself and I have to say, it feels both crazy to have taken this long to get here and amazing to already be on my way. Now, when someone asks, "What makes you You?" I have an answer that really is Me and I am so, so grateful.

On Friday, I read a post over on one of my faves, Momastery about how what our kids really want is for us to be happy. Instead of dissolving in tears like I did a few months ago, I beamed as I read, knowing that I am doing something for me, something that makes me glow and I know my kids feel that. Not that that makes me better than other moms or parents or whatever. Please, do not think I am trying in this post to take my happy place and shove it in your face. I'm not. I'm just thinking about what makes us who we are and I wonder, what makes you You? What are you doing that feeds you? That makes you feel? I was lucky and found my answer in three tries. But what if others are still looking? What if this question makes you want to cry?

If you have something that makes you shine, will you share? Either in the comments here or on the Facebook thread? Maybe someone who is looking for some peace, some happy, will read over those ideas and find something new to try. Or, like in my case, something old to try again. I think it would be awesome for us to share ideas and know more about what makes each other happy. So please, if you feel so inclined, play along!

I'll throw a suggestion out first: music. Get up and dance to get your happy on! Need a new song? Watch/listen to "Happy" from Pharrell Williams. It's my new fave.

Books in 2013

1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee - starting the year off in style with my all-time favorite book.
2. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins - LOVE
3. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins - THESE
4. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins - BOOKS!
5. Moneyball by Michael Lewis - my mommybrain skimmed some of the baseball stats, but overall an enjoyable read.
6. Wednesday Wars by Gary Schmidt - wonderful, wonderful book - looking forward to reading more by this YA author.
7. I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith - orginally published in 1948 & out of my normal style, but fitting nonetheless thanks to my recent Downton Abbey obsession.
8. Imperfect Birds by Anne Lamott - Love me my Anne Lamott; perhaps could have done without a harsh reminder of how challenging it will be to raise teenagers in this world. :S
9. The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh - Everyone should read this book; it is marvelous. My library put a little romance sticker on the spine (why do they feel the need to do that?) but it is a story about so much more than that. Such a great read.
10. Liar and Spy by Rebecca Stead - Children's literature is so fantastic...excellent stories at a reading level that allows me to plow through in one short evening.
11. Falling Angels by Tracy Chevalier - another selection inspired by the pre-Downton era & a pleasant one at that, especially with the varied voices of narrators/characters with each changing chapter.
12. A Casual Vacancy by JK Rowling - it took far longer than I would like to admit to adjust to all of the British slang and many, many changes in POV/narrator when I started this book, but once I got into it, I was hooked. Totally different than HP; totally sticks with you, just the same.
13. Divergent by Veronica Roth - another excellent teen series with a female protagonist and female author (but perfect for female or male readers).
14. Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand - nonfiction is not my normal thing, but this was such an interesting read; totally had me hooked and flipping pages, just like a novel.
15. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky - started this morning, finished this afternoon. Feel in love with the narrator. Moved by the story. Now wondering what the film version is like.
16. Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks - I haven't read a Sparks novel since college, so maybe I'm a bit rusty, but I did not see the ending coming with this one and it gave me just what a Nicholas Sparks novel should - goosebumps and tears! I am such a sucker. :)
17. The Fault in our Stars by John Green - I'm on a bit of a YA kick here. I guess I'm calling it research should I ever find myself back in a middle or high school English classroom, but really, they're just good, quicker reads. This particular one utilized a very successful, albeit pretty mature, teenage girl's narrative voice.
18. Morgan's Passing by Anne Tyler - first read of a friend's favorite author....such a kooky protagonist in this story, but he and his story grew on me and kept me reading to see what would happen next.
19. When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead - great kiddie lit read; especially wonderful for fans of A Wrinkle in Time.
20. Making Babies: Stumbling into Motherhood by Anne Enright - Normally I love a good memoir, especially ones by mamas, but this one wasn't my favorite. Turned out to be a slower and less entertaining read for me than expected.
21. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak - Had no idea what I was getting myself into with this one. Turned out to be another WWII story but of course it was also so much more than that. A long book, but written in such an interesting manner. Well worth 550 pages.
22. The Lightning Theif by Rick Riordan - another Sunday, another teen series begun (and enjoyed).
23. Little Bee by Chris Cleave - Intense read. Not at all what I expected, but such good narrative voices.
24. Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed by Glennon Doyle Melton. Oh, Momastery. How I've come to love you in the last year and change. Such a good blog. And SUCH a good book. I knew a lot of the stories already, but even those had me laughing and crying all over again. And the stuff I hadn't read previously? Fantastic.
25. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The new movie version of the film looks so shiny and pretty that I'm actually pretty excited to see it. But I realized I didn't remember much from the book beyond West Egg, East Egg, a green light, a yellow car, a man named Gatsby and a woman named Daisy. Seeing as it's been probably 15 years since I read it as a young high school student, my faded memory is perhaps excusable, or at least explainable, so I nabbed a copy, dove in, and loved it all over again. Now I'm determined to go back and reread more books from high school; I think I will get so much more out of them than I did back then!
26. Lizzie Bright and the Buckminster Boy by Gary Schmidt. My mom got me a signed copy of this YA book a while ago and I just got around to reading it - so, so good! Shouldn't have waited so long.
27. Tiny Beautiful Things; Advice on love and life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed. Laughter, tears and a lot of head nodding. So good.
28. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. Excellent, excellent read. Devoured this book.
29. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. Whoa. Big read. As in, heavy on my head but good for my heart. Need to read it again (and then again) to really take it all in, though.
30. The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. First book read after birth of Lincoln (and it took awhile to get back into the habit!), and what a good/lucky choice. Fantastic book based in Biblical times and all about the power and strength and voices of women. LOVED it.
31. Raising Happiness by Christine Carter. "10 simple steps for more joyful kids and happier parents." Great read and great, conversational tone behind the writing, although I'm not sure all 10 steps are what I would exactly call simple.
32. Deliberate Motherhood by The Power of Moms. 12 chapters dedicated to bringing more peace, power, order, and joy to mamas. All good stuff. Lots of head nodding and underlining on this one. Very worthwhile read for moms!
33. The Cutting Room Floor by Dawn Klehr. Part thriller, part romance - another quick YA read.
34. Lies Beneath by Anne Greenwood Brown. Like Twilight but mermaids. It is much better than that description perhaps makes it sound.
35. Deep Betrayal by Anne Greenwood Brown. Books II in the series. Told from another character's POV, which is always fun.
36. What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty - read this because I wanted to read another book by her that wasn't available and just loved it. Almost a romance/mystery w/ the memory loss that drives the plot. So good and kept me reading, reading, reading just as fast as I could.
37. 365 Days of Thanks by John Kralik - pretty cool concept and neat story. Inspiring me to write more thank you's for sure.
38. Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst - all about making wise choices when hit with raw emotion. Scripture-based book with lots of real-life mom stories included.
39. In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvzrez - another good historical fiction read.
40. The Husband's Secret- by Liane Moriarty - officially finished my last book of the year on Dec. 31 - pretty cool. & another great read from Moriarty! I love books that feature different narrative voices within chapters.

WTG?!

In grad school I spent two years working for the Willa Cather Archive and the UNL Digital Archives. While that means I was once fluent in XML, it also means that I worked with a guy (who was already married with children) who used the phrase, "What the Grunt?!" to express concern, disdain, frustration, etc. in a PG manner. As it turns out, this phrase is one that keeps coming back to me this week as we seem to be stuck in a bit of an illness/oddity wheel.

Last week it was a coughing Harrison who missed two days of school but waited until 3:30 on Friday to spike a fever. A (not-so-quick, but bless-their-sweet-souls) trip to Convenient Care revealed that he had bronchitis. There went all of our plans for the weekend in one quick WTG (whoops - just typed WTF instead) moment.

This week, like so many others this Fall, has been filled with long days. It seems like my dear husband is gone at least twice (and sometimes thrice) a week in the afternoons or evenings due to meetings, committees, etc. which leaves me with very long days with very small children. And since the icky-sickies have started, we are stuck for these very long days in our house. We love our house but it's only 3/4 of the way through November and I'm already getting cabin fever. Not good, eh?

HD is back to school this week and I thought we were in the clear, so we did get out for Toddler Art on Tuesday. Well then Tuesday (damn you, Tuesday!) night came and Lincoln woke up mid-night with an awful, barky cough and a low-grade fever. Welcome WTG illness No.2 - the start of croup! Thankfully we got to the dr. quickly Wednesday morning and he's doing much better, but still, no getting out of the house or social time for me/us for a few days. And again - it's only November. If we're getting blasted like this now, what does the rest of the winter hold for us healthwise?!

Not to be left out, Little Miss has been adding to the WTGs, too. The self-potty training sort of continues with her going accident-free some days and others not-so-much. I suppose if I had a day or two to really devote my attention to it/her, we might be in business, but yeah right. With sick brothers and naps and nursing and whatnot, my attention is clearly divided. Speaking of nursing, check out her WTG play session that took place while I was with Lincoln in the living room this morning. Apparently she is thinking all things diapers and potties and babies, because this is what she found to entertain herself:

And did I mention that she chose last night to start getting out of her crib?! This is perhaps the biggest WTG of them all right now. I cannot stand the idea of losing the containment the crib offers and if she really is done, this will make it even earlier and worse than when Harrison gave it up at 2 yrs., 3ish mos. But the toddler bed is probably coming soon because this morning she flipped out of her crib and (naturally) landed on a basket that holds blankets, etc. on the floor and did this to her eye: 

She is fine, but in hopes of avoiding any (more) serious injuries, we don't want the little monkey to keep experimenting with escaping. Because, you know, with the potty training and the sick brothers and all the whatnot, I clearly have lots of time for teaching her to stay in a toddler bed, too! Sheesh, child. Could you slow down a bit on the growing up/demanding independence?! Just a little for your poor Mama?!

In other random news, I tried to go old-school with Harrison and get him some books on tape from the library (to avoid messing with potentially scratched or scratch-able CDs) to entertain him during these long house-bound days. It took him two seconds to do this to the first one (after asking "What's this, Mama?!" in his own WTG voice): 

The brilliant-albeit-still-a-stinker also told me yesterday, when playing CandyLand, that he hid the cupcake card because he didn't want to land on it (it's the first one, in case you aren't as familiar as I am these days, so if you're almost to the end and draw it, it is apparently a BIG bummer/WTG in the eyes of a 4-yr-old). Today I found it behind the pillow of my rocking chair: 

And last, but not least in this random collection of WTGs, I bring you sweet baby Lincoln's hair. Not that he has much of it, but he does have one strand that is really giving its all. Yes, one strand. While the rest of his head is covered in the sweetest little fuzz, there is one strand on top of his head (of course) that is a solid 1.5-2 inches long. Why? How? No one knows. But here you have it:

My apologies if this is the strangest post you've ever read from me. I'm solo parenting for 13 hours today, so I'm a little loopy.

The Terrific 2 1/2 ft. Tyrant

OK, Raegan is a little peanut but even she is bigger than 2 1/2 feet. But somehow "33 1/4 inches Tyrant" just didn't have as nice a ring to it to title this post. And really "tyrant" probably isn't fair either because since I became a mama, I have learned that the Twos aren't all Terrible. Sometimes they are down right Terrific, which is fitting because living with a two-yr-old is nothing short of total contradiction, full of swings from one extreme to the next.

For one, I hear the phrases "Need Help!" and "ME do it!" ALL. the. Time! I am constantly being summoned to do whatever Little Miss can't handle on her own, but often, as soon as I arrive to help, she is pushing me away hollering that she will do it by herself. Rinse and repeat. Again and again and again, all day long.

Naturally, the cries for help/independence are most connected to all things potty training. Or self-training, as we're doing it around here. Raegan wants very much to do the whole process by herself but still requires a lot of assistance from us. I mean, really. Do you think a just-turned-two-yr-old (who is only 33 1/4 inches tall!) can handle the whole get-on-the-potty/wipe/get-off-the-potty/wash-hands routine by herself? Well, she might like to try, but for the sake of sanitation and sanity, this is NOT a "ME do it!" kind of thing! And since each trip to the bathroom takes a good 10-15 minutes because she insists on repeating the process over and over, I get a lot of quality (bathroom) time with Little Miss these days.

Even though RL's demanding and rejecting me day in and day out, I have to say, she does so with impeccable manners. I hear "Menk You/WelkUm" almost as much as I do "Need Help" and "ME do it!" And that's exactly how it comes out - as one long word. Every time she tells us "thank you," she tacks on a "You're Welcome," saving us a response. It is really very sweet and not-tyrant like at all.

Neither is her running or hopping or "singing" the ABCs. All of that stuff is remarkably cute and enduring (in my unbiased opinion, of course). So are her arms around my neck when she gloms on for a big old hug as I carry her upstairs for her nap. Or when she keeps tabs on the baby all day long, letting us know every time he cries by calling out, "Linky sad! Linky sad!" She is such a good little mama!

My favorite Raegge-isms these days, though, are her "Oh, gosh!"s and head tilting/eyes narrowing when she asks a question. The tilt/squint/inquire routine is a riot because she often looks like she's trying to charm her way into whatever she's asking for, as though we won't be able to resist her sideways sweetness (she's right. we can't). And the "Oh, gosh" is great because she says it with such inflection and uses it any time she wibbles or wobbles (which happens a lot when you are a busy 2-yr-old, always on the move).

While there are days when I would rather pull my hair out than hear "ME do it" one more time, I am not wishing these days away. I know that the days when she won't need to say it to me because she really can do it aren't that far away.

Until I'm 42

From an early age, I remember my dad telling me, "You can't date until you're 42." Being a relatively bright child with a basic understanding of math, I knew this was total bunk and would reply, "But, Daaaaaaad! You're married and have two kids and you're not even 42! That's not fair!"

Fortunately for me (and my future husband and future children), it really was bunk and my parents did not make me wait until I was 42 to date. And actually, this post has nothing to do with dating whatsoever. It has to do with ten years from now (when I will be just one year from that magical, mythical age of 42). I have figured out what I want to be when I grow up and so I have a new goal for (almost) 42 (because if that's the age when you are finally allowed to date, it's probably also the age when you might want to have an idea of what you want to do with your life).

I want to be a yoga instructor. It is as simple and as terrifying as that.

Now part of me feels like a love-struck teenager because I am SO over the moon in love with yoga right now and I just started taking classes again after a ten year hiatus. So why the big push/motivation for ten years from now? I don't know. The classes, the movements, the intentions...they all just speak to my soul. I love it. It lights me up from head to toe, makes me feel every muscle and breath, and the joy that it brings me carries with me after I leave the mat.

Just ask my family.

A week ago, I came home from a class and was shining. I'm not even sure if a pregnant mama's glow could have outshone me that night, that's how good I felt. And my kids fed off of it, asking me about the poses I did and wanting me to teach them how to do the same things I had just done at class. And get this - Harrison was so delighted to see my smiling face, he pulled out my chair at the supper table, pulled it right next to his, and then pushed it in for me as I settled down to enjoy a most delicious frozen pizza with them. Does my family care that it was frozen and not homemade because I was at class and not cooking for them? Not in the slightest because better than my pizza (which is damn fine, if you've never had it) is my sense of peace, my Zen buzz, after getting my yogi on.

And that's why I want to do this, even if it is crazy at this point to say so. Why not be crazy? And why not have big dreams? Recently someone posted on facebook a quote that said something along the lines of "If you're dreams don't scare you, they probably aren't big enough" and that is ringing home as captial-T Truth for me tonight. This dream is scary. I have so much to learn. So many muscles to grow. So much to practice before I could ever lead others in this beautiful art, but why not start now with the intention of greatness and sharing with others? Because intentions are one of my favorite parts of the classes I have attended. Stating and restating and focusing through the breath and movement to tell yourself why you are here, why you do what you do. For this reason, it makes sense to start from the very beginning of my journey as a student with the intention of one day being a teacher. I will absorb and learn so much more if I state my intention now and then over and over and over until I reach that magical, mythical place of being able to be it. To do it. And I'm giving myself enough grace and space (i.e. eleven years) to get there.

I can't hardly wait!

Self-Training: Wee or Whoa (or OH, NO!)?

In ten years (or less), Raegan may be less than pleased with me for writing this, but I'm currently working on focusing on my current season of life, and so here you have it: a post about potty training. And really, she can't get too mad at me for talking about this because she is totally the one who initiated it, so how could I not share this story?

Little Miss turned two all of four days ago. And apparently she decided that two is the new twelve (or at least the new three (which is when HD potty trained)), because out of nowhere, the day before her birthday, she told Ben she wanted to use the potty and then she used the potty. As in, she poo'ed in the potty! What the what? What kid does that?! Apparently mine because then she did it again the next day, too! And every day since she has either peed or poo'ed or both, all on her own. I shared these developments with some dear friends (who else besides dear friends would get excited about such news?!) and one of them said that maybe RL would self-train. I didn't realize that concept even really existed, but we're five days strong on this now and it seems like it really might be a thing.

Except, these efforts are clearly not done all on her own because she is far too little (in stature and age) to be making any of this happen independently. Oh, no. She requires a fair amount of adult assistance both to get her diaper off and to get her little bum up on the booster potty seat thing we bought and have had hanging in the bathroom for months. So I guess that also means her new potty trick didn't come out of nowhere - she's been asking about the potty for some time and watching her brother use it for ages - but this whole child-led training thing is very much new to all of us.

And really, I'd be all for it because then I'd be back to just one in diapers but that's just it - the other little peanut still in diapers makes it kind of challenging to drop everything and help Raegan when she hollers, "ME POTTY!" (which has been happening a LOT this week). I don't know if she thinks it is a game or what, but every time she heads for the bathroom, she wants to put the booster on and sit on the potty about five times before she's ready to leave. Even if she takes care of business during one of those initial attempts, she just keeps going through the process. Again and again and again. So you can imagine how this goes for me when I need to be nursing or changing or putting down Lincoln and Ben is not home - not so great!

Also, because I'm a "every story has two sides" kind of girl, I wonder how this whole self training business will be when she decides to take her diaper off on her own when I'm preoccupied with Baby or she's in her crib. And what if she doesn't make it to the potty? I'm loving this year's MOPS theme of a beautiful mess but those are not messes I think any of us would find very appealing....so how do I trust her on this? How do I follow her lead?

Ha! As if I choice. As my dad has been saying since the day I went into labor with Harrison, my kids are driving the bus, and apparently Raegan's decided to take us all on a little pit stop. I have a feeling this is just one of many times that she will make up her beautiful mind and then get something done. Messies or not, she's pretty awesome like that!

Memory Keeper

When I first started writing this blog, I was pretty hesitant. I felt like there must be about a million other "mommy blogs" out there and what could I possibly have to add to the conversation? But I've been keeping journals on and off since I was in high school and in the time since, I've learned two things: I love writing for an audience and I type a heck of a lot faster than I write by hand! So I guess that means a blog was a natural choice for me - a place where I could share my story and could do so quickly, if need be. As it turns out, the need for speed comes often as my day-to-day with three Littles doesn't really afford me a lot of time to myself or to write. But then again, my Littles are exactly why I write.

I write for Harrison because he is my first born, my first baby love. Each and every day is a learning experience for the two of us simply because he's my oldest. I don't know what to expect or how to handle each new stage and so we learn and grow together. Writing here about our lessons and accomplishments is a way for me to sort it all out, to express my joys and concerns, and to love him out loud. He's an amazing kid and I'm happy I get to be part of his story.

I write for Raegan because she is my sweet, ever-lovin' smile. She's also got more personality and spunk in her left hand than most people I meet, so needless to say, she's good for anecdotes of sugar and spice. I also write especially for her for when she is older. I want her to know what life was like when she was a babe so that it might help her when she has babes of her own and wonders why on earth this parenting thing, this mothering thing, is so freaking hard. Because it is. But it's also beautiful and that's why we keep doing it, why she will keep doing it, should she choose to enter the Mama Tribe.

I write for Lincoln because he is my calm - my snuggle and my warmth at the end of a long day (and sometimes after a long night). Even though his story has been beyond unique from the very beginning, I feel much more comfortable with his baby self than I did my first. Not because there was anything wrong with HD or with me in those moments, but because I've learned a ton since I first became a mama and that knowledge keeps me more grounded as I go through the baby and toddler phases for the second and third (and hopefully, someday, fourth) time. Also, as the third, Lincoln deserves his spot in the limelight, too, and blogging gives me a platform for making that happen.

Another grounding element that has kept me blogging the last two+ years is the greater sense of self and connection it gives me. I don't feel so alone in this mothering gig any more because countless times friends and acquaintances have told me, "I love reading your blog. It feels like you're inside my head when I read your stuff." Obviously the compliment is super but the "inside my head" part is even more of a boost for me, especially as a writer, but also as a mom. Those comments let me know that my stories do matter, even if I am one of a million mommy bloggers, because someone else is reading them and feeling connected to them, to me. Those comments help me know that I am not alone.

After all, I think what we all need more of in this life is connection. To each other, to our kids, and to ourselves. After being ridiculously isolated for the first part of my mamahood, I have to say, I'm much happier now that I put myself out there more, through life experiences like going to MOPS and personal endeavors like my writing. I can't even number how many times I've felt less alone after posting a blog, simply because it caused someone else to say, "Me, too!" and isn't that just exactly what we need to hear sometimes?

I also feel like I'm coming into my own as a mom and a friend and even as a woman, all through the simple act of being honest when I write. If I keep it up as my journey continues, I'll continue to have these great little vignettes to look back on, to remind myself of just how far we've come. And since you know I like to be honest, you can believe me when I say that I can't think of a better way to spend some of my precious free time than as a memory keeper for my oh-so-exhausting-yet-totally-amazing little brood.

How to Survive Today

Yesterday began at 4:28 a.m. for me. Unfortunately, after almost two weeks of doing pretty well getting to sleep every night, yesterday didn't end until 4 a.m. this morning for me. That means that with kid wake ups and whatnot, I got all of about 2.5 hours of sleep. And now I have to do 10 hours by myself with all three kids in the house today. Here's how that will happen:

1) I am giving them and myself a lot of slack today. If that materializes in pajamas all day or "one more" show on PBS, then so be it. It is cold outside and I am part-zombie today. Slack is necessary to forgive myself my crazies of not sleeping well and to understand that the things my children do today that I find less than favorable are not personal attacks on me or a reflection of who I am as a parent. Harrison was up between 3 and 4, too, for unknown reasons; apparently Raegan took her pajamas off after Ben put her down, forever before falling asleep, and then slept in just a diaper (and now has a runny nose); Lincoln was up at 3:30 to nurse. We are ALL tired today and each one of us needs slack (you have no idea how many times I am having to hit the delete button to correct the mistakes my tiredness is making as I type, even).

2) Love. That's what I can give my kids today. Not a bunch of spectacular SuperMom moments - just love. And I can do the same for myself. Every time I see my super dark circles in the mirror, I can choose to love myself instead of criticize. Maybe that is SuperMom after all.

3) I will watch this a million times. Or at least think of it and remember that they love me, imperfections and all.

Afternoon Update: Yep, a lot of screen time, two cups of decaf coffee, some kick-ass Melissa and Doug stickers, and some good tunes have gotten us this far. Still two hours to go until Ben is home (hopefully) and then maybe all of my super sleepies (and one slightly sicky) can get some rest tonight, me included.

Inhale/Exhale

Today my body feels a wee bit like I got run over by a train. Or maybe like I went for a kick-ass 5 mile run. My muscles are that sore and achy. But what I actually did, is something that I'm very excited about on multiple levels, for many reasons. The big mystery activity? A fantastic hour-long yoga class at a local studio yesterday morning. It was awesome.

My love affair with yoga started in college. I did classes on my semester in Africa in '02 and then again at Doane in the Spring of '04. But since then, the only yoga I've gotten in has been the prenatal DVDs that I started using during my second pregnancy (and loved, loved, loved! seriously - all mamas-to-be should get this set!). No formal classes since college, though, so when Avani opened almost two years ago, shortly after Raegan was born, I was excited about it. But then RL was a crappy sleeper and we moved and I found plenty of reasons not to go. Last fall I was all gung-ho again, but then found out I was pregnant, again, so again, more excuses not to start.

Now, in the midst of all this sleep drama and third baby (beautiful) chaos, one of my goals has been focusing on myself and letting go of excuses. That isn't exactly easy to do and as you know, my me time doesn't exactly come in big installments. But I have to have some things for me or I am going to fade out and be of no use to anyone, which is why I'm walking and reading and writing and looking for other ways to just be me (not Mama or Wifey or Teacher, etc. Just me). Enter Thursday's purchase of a ten-class punch card at Avani. It's a beautiful thing. I can go to any of their classes offered at various times throughout each week and the thing never expires. So right now my goal is to make it once a week. With the aforementioned chaos, I think that is both a good and realistic goal. Once a week is better than never, and once Lincoln gets a little older and we get some more routines established, maybe I can bump that up to twice a week, and maybe then to the unlimited-monthly card (how cool would that be?!).

Why am I so jazzed about this? Because my class experience yesterday was amazing. Clearly part of it was the physical reaction my body had to the class. The movements and the music felt good the entire time. That's not to say that it was all easy. In fact, most of it was not which was both humbling and inspiring for my postpartum-third-baby-belly. I couldn't believe how hard some of the moves were for me. Holding my arms in a plank position and then trying to drag a towel on the floor with my feet towards my hands? The gal next to me could go all the way. I could go maybe a quarter of an inch. While that might sound disheartening, it wasn't.  If anything, it gives me more goals and improvements to look forward to, because I know if I stick with it I will see and feel results in a month or two or six. I will get stronger and more flexible and I can give myself the space and time to let those things come. And while I knew by supper time last night that I was going to be insanely sore today, I'm good with that, too, because those aches in my muscles they tell me that I am both alive and aware in this world and what's better than a reminder like that?

Another reason the class felt so good was that it helped me clear and focus my mind a bit which is a practice that I think will really help me get my sleep back on track. We silently set intentions at the start of class and the instructor reminded us continually to state those back to ourselves, so I spent the whole hour celebrating myself for 1) being there and 2) being aware of my body. It was that simple, but that powerful, too. When we ended in Relaxation Pose, I found myself almost in tears at first and then grinning from ear to ear by the end of it. Apparently that radiance stuck with me because when I jetted off to the birthday party of a friend's son right after class, my friend and two others commented immediately about how good and happy I looked when I got there. Who knew, but apparently yoga is a good remedy for BRF, too!

In all seriousness, the reason I'm writing about this is to remember those feelings and my original intentions and to hold myself accountable for continuing with this practice. I also share this with you because a lot of you reading this are parents and I want to encourage all of you, myself included, to remember to take care of you. As I keep adding elements and avenues of me, I see myself holding my own and keeping more calm with the day-to-day crazies of meltdowns and meal times and me-centeredness that is life with three Littles. I know they see and feel and appreciate the strength I am giving my body and mind with each of my efforts, too, so even though I am focusing on me, I am also helping my family as a whole.

Of course I'm still going to have moments where I feel stress and want to cry, "I am TOTALLY FREAKING OUT" (thank you, PBS, for HD's new favorite show, Peg + Cat). But that's the point. It's OK for me to have those moments and those feelings. It's what I do with my head and my breath and my words in those moments that will have the greatest impact on my little family. Might as well use my yoga practice to make them as centered as possible!

Medal Ceremony, Anyone?

I deserve a damn medal. Not because I did anything extraordinary, but because I did about a million ordinary things, mostly on my own because my hubby's had a crazy week, too, and I mostly didn't lose my sh!t with the children while doing so. And contrary to the tone of all my cussing thus far in this post, I'm over the moon happy about life right now. So content that I found myself in the rocking chair this evening, nursing Lincoln and grinning like a damn fool (see, there's that language again; apparently I swear inversely to how well things are going!). Why? Because I've been working really hard lately and today I realized, more than once, that I not only feel good, I am good. So good that I could still feel it all over my tired, covered in sticky and icky and milky self tonight. And that's pretty awesome.

Now, a few points I need to add before I continue. Perhaps, if you are not feeling so good at the moment, you would like to kick me in the shins right now. I get that. I have been there. I am sure I'll be there again. So I give you full permission to wish harm upon my shins because sometimes that's just where we are. There have been multiple times in my life as a parent that I felt someone else was throwing their good in my face with ridiculously upbeat Facebook status updates about their cherub children or with their put together outfits or well-rested faces or what have you and I have wanted to kick them in the shins which isn't terribly adult or kind of me. But then I read things like this and just today, this, and slowly I've begun to learn that the happiness of others is not something I should be taking personally.

Seeing as past experiences tell me that I suffer from Bitchy Resting Face, I realize that this shift in my perspective may not be visible to the naked eye. And clearly you know I'm not going to be spouting nothing but sunshine and roses from here on out. That's not me. But because I do narrate this life honestly, I think it is honest to tell you that I've been working towards being good and being happy for a long time. Life these last few years has been a little bit intense and little bit hectic. And of course it has also been a little bit freaking awesome and a little bit full of joyful moments, but today, in the midst of a really long day near the end of a really long week, I was able to find myself laughing and smiling and not just feeling like I'm stuck in survival mode. Of course this is ironic because with a 4-yr-old, an almost-2-yr-old, and an almost-4-mo-old, I am very much in survival mode, but the good news is, I am starting to  rediscover my sense of humor and my sense of self which is making the good shine through the crazy.

Again, this takes me back to the medal. I deserve the damn medal because in the midst of the chaos, I am taking time, insisting on time, for myself. It's coming in small increments and in small ways, but I am OK with that. The fact that I'm even doing it is what is so noteworthy because in this life of giving, giving, giving to my Littles and our life as a family, it is so easy to leave myself for last. But obviously if I give my entire self away, there will be nothing left for the rest of them, so my acts of self-care are caring for my brood, too.

And you know what? I think you deserve a damn medal, too. Yes, yes I do. Whether you're doing something extraordinary or a million bits of ordinary, you are also here which means you are part of me and for that I am grateful. Because without you I wouldn't have people to share the highs and lows and isn't that the point of this life anyway?

Socktober

I happen to have a few favorites in this world, and SoulPancake is totally one of them. It started with the book version a few years back and now I have to say that the website is full of gems. Upworthy features a lot of their stuff and for good reason. The content is awesome. So it didn't surprise me when I saw a SoulPancake/Kid President video the other day that was fantastic:

The concept is called Socktober and it is both brilliant and kind. Instead of wasting all of our time on the Internet to crush the candy or follow people like Miley Cyrus on the Twitter (again, my old school phone keeps me from doing either), SP and KP would like to get 1 million folks to donate socks to the homeless in the month of October (hence Socktober).

I love when the Interwebs can be used for good. I've taken part in such small acts before and have been very honored to be part of a couple Love Flash Mobs over at Momastery. It is amazing what people can do when they get together with folks they have never and will never meet to help those both near and far.

Naturally, I wanted to get right on board with Socktober. But I didn't want it be just about me. I wanted my whole family involved. Ben and I believe in giving to various groups and people in as many ways as possible and clearly that is something we want to instill in our kids, too. So why not start young?

Today, while hanging out during the littlest Littles' naps, Harrison and I had the following conversation:

Me: Hey, buddy. Did you know that not everyone has socks?
HD: No, Mama. Everyone has socks.
Me: Noooo, there are some people who don't have enough or even any socks, especially in the winter. What would you say about getting some socks to donate to our local shelter?
HD: What's a shelter?
Me: A place where people can go to get help when they need it. And socks can be help. What if we got socks for someone your age to give?
HD: Who is 4 who doesn't have socks? What's his name? Can you tell me, Mama?

Well, I could not, but I was happy to know at that point that Harrison was very much willing and ready to be part of Socktober. When Baby Girl and Baby Boy got up, we headed to the store and SOCKS were the very first item on the agenda. On the way there, Harrison told me he wanted to hold my hand while we went to find the socks and that is exactly what we did. But we didn't want to do just one package. We wanted to get a package to represent each member of our own little family just in case there is a man or a woman or a child (age 4, 2, and 0-6 months) in Hastings who needs some extra warmth and comfort this fall and winter. Here's what we got:

This week we'll take our little bag over to CrossRoads; it's the local shelter here and it has been far too long since we've dropped anything off at their door. I am grateful that we are able to help in even this small way and happy to know that good can come from surfing the web. I hope that you can find a way to make an impact in your own community after reading this. Whether you choose to rock Socktober or something of your own creation, please remember that even the smallest gesture can make a world of difference to someone in need.

1, 2, 3, or 7 (it's all the same)

Let me begin by saying, we don't plan to have seven children. We are hoping to add one more to our brood and although Ben and I both have/had a grandparent with a twin, I don't think we're going to jump from three to seven when that time comes. Perhaps I should go knock on wood just to make sure, though, eh?

OK. Superstitions qualmed (which is not a verb, but that's just where I am today).

Let me continue by getting to my main point: lately it seems I hear variations of "I don't know how you do it" "I only have one; you have three!" and so on from my fellow mamas, but here's the thing - I don't know how I do it either. I never have. And that is pretty much what I tell anyone who tries to tell me that they shouldn't be stressed because they "only" have one child. Guess what, sweet mama friends? I was waaaay stressed out when I had one kid. And when I had two. And now that I have three, well, in some ways I am more stressed than ever, and in others, I am learning to let go.

Let me explain.

The big kids are off to Grandma and Grandpa's for a couple days since Harrison didn't have school today. I don't think they've been away since Lincoln was born and even before that, they maybe had one sleep-away visit during the summer, so this has been a long time comin' to say the least. They were both so excited when Grandma Deb got here yesterday morning that they put on their "pack packs" (RL's phrase) and let themselves out of the side door while Deb and I were chatting in the living room. When Grandma caught up with them (I was nursing the baby), Raegan told her, "Ready to go!" So go they did and I don't have the slightest doubt in my mind about whether or not they are having a good time. Just look at the pic my SIL posted on Facebook of the cousin fun from today. Clearly they're doing great!

Perhaps it goes without saying, but I was pretty excited myself. I mean, really?! 48ish whole hours to focus on just the baby?! WhooHoo! Here was my time to live it up and SLEEP. The timing turned out to be crucial, too, because Tuesday night I got about one whole hour of sleep the entire night (stupid sleep problems), and the only thing getting me through Wednesday was knowing I would be two kids short come Thursday and then I could take it "easy."

But remember what I've been saying all to my friends since Lincoln's arrival? I was stressed with two and I was stressed with one. Of course there are some things, many things!, easier about my day-to-day when the big kids are away, but the days are never completely and totally smooth. It really doesn't matter how many babes you have under your care (I will eat those words if I end up with seven, I know); if you are in charge of the life and well being and total survival of another human being, it is not going to be easy. It's just not. And sure enough, Lincoln, my totally-chill-roll-with-it-sweet-lovin' boy, reminded me of that yesterday and last night.

Perhaps it was too quiet in the house for him, or something, but the child did not want to nap. He fought me going down and once we finally got through that, he slept for a nanosecond and was ready to go again. So, no. No nap or "rest" time for this tired mama who was trying to recoup after Tuesday night's disaster. To be fair, my sleep has recovered quite a bit in the last few weeks, but it seems that every week and a half or so, I have a really crappy night, so I'm in this whole two steps forward/one step back in regards to my sleep (and mental function). And to be fair to LT, his day sleep is always a little erratic, so it wasn't terribly shocking that he didn't nap for very long, but I was holding out hope that he'd cut me some slack. However, if I've learned anything since becoming a parent, it's that babies do not come into this word understanding "slack."

After turning in early last night (under the covers by 9:02!), I thought, Yes! Baby is alseep; here we go! Since Lincoln usually goes from 9:30 to 5 or 6ish, I though I was going to get one heck of a long sleep. But I swear, when you have more than one kid, he (or she) can sense when you suddenly aren't so distracted by the others and that is often when they demand your attention. Like last night, when Lincoln decided to start fussing like crazy at 12:30. He never does that, so why last night?! And then, to add to the absurdity of it all, he put himself back down before I could even finish going to the bathroom and getting dressed to go get him to nurse. So I put myself back down and slept well until 5:45 which is apparently the time Harrison has imprinted on my brain as Wake Up time. I will say, though, that is much different to wake up on your own terms at 5:45 than it is to have a preschooler come barging into your bedroom. I was far less tired and was able to just be still in the dark quiet, although it probably helped to not have to hear the toddler screaming for Daddy from her crib, for once, too. And wouldn't you know it? We had to go wake Lincoln at 7 because, seriously, I was about to explode with milk. TMI, yes, but truth in the trenches of nursing, my friends. Truth.

So there you have it. I have no idea how I do it when I have three in the house. And I have no idea how I do it when I have just one, because IT is always different. Every kid. Every day. Everything and everyone is in constant motion and flux, so whether I'm faced with one, two, three, or (gulp) seven, all I can do is whatever works within that moment (because you darn well know it's going to be someone and something different the next).