Memory Keeper

When I first started writing this blog, I was pretty hesitant. I felt like there must be about a million other "mommy blogs" out there and what could I possibly have to add to the conversation? But I've been keeping journals on and off since I was in high school and in the time since, I've learned two things: I love writing for an audience and I type a heck of a lot faster than I write by hand! So I guess that means a blog was a natural choice for me - a place where I could share my story and could do so quickly, if need be. As it turns out, the need for speed comes often as my day-to-day with three Littles doesn't really afford me a lot of time to myself or to write. But then again, my Littles are exactly why I write.

I write for Harrison because he is my first born, my first baby love. Each and every day is a learning experience for the two of us simply because he's my oldest. I don't know what to expect or how to handle each new stage and so we learn and grow together. Writing here about our lessons and accomplishments is a way for me to sort it all out, to express my joys and concerns, and to love him out loud. He's an amazing kid and I'm happy I get to be part of his story.

I write for Raegan because she is my sweet, ever-lovin' smile. She's also got more personality and spunk in her left hand than most people I meet, so needless to say, she's good for anecdotes of sugar and spice. I also write especially for her for when she is older. I want her to know what life was like when she was a babe so that it might help her when she has babes of her own and wonders why on earth this parenting thing, this mothering thing, is so freaking hard. Because it is. But it's also beautiful and that's why we keep doing it, why she will keep doing it, should she choose to enter the Mama Tribe.

I write for Lincoln because he is my calm - my snuggle and my warmth at the end of a long day (and sometimes after a long night). Even though his story has been beyond unique from the very beginning, I feel much more comfortable with his baby self than I did my first. Not because there was anything wrong with HD or with me in those moments, but because I've learned a ton since I first became a mama and that knowledge keeps me more grounded as I go through the baby and toddler phases for the second and third (and hopefully, someday, fourth) time. Also, as the third, Lincoln deserves his spot in the limelight, too, and blogging gives me a platform for making that happen.

Another grounding element that has kept me blogging the last two+ years is the greater sense of self and connection it gives me. I don't feel so alone in this mothering gig any more because countless times friends and acquaintances have told me, "I love reading your blog. It feels like you're inside my head when I read your stuff." Obviously the compliment is super but the "inside my head" part is even more of a boost for me, especially as a writer, but also as a mom. Those comments let me know that my stories do matter, even if I am one of a million mommy bloggers, because someone else is reading them and feeling connected to them, to me. Those comments help me know that I am not alone.

After all, I think what we all need more of in this life is connection. To each other, to our kids, and to ourselves. After being ridiculously isolated for the first part of my mamahood, I have to say, I'm much happier now that I put myself out there more, through life experiences like going to MOPS and personal endeavors like my writing. I can't even number how many times I've felt less alone after posting a blog, simply because it caused someone else to say, "Me, too!" and isn't that just exactly what we need to hear sometimes?

I also feel like I'm coming into my own as a mom and a friend and even as a woman, all through the simple act of being honest when I write. If I keep it up as my journey continues, I'll continue to have these great little vignettes to look back on, to remind myself of just how far we've come. And since you know I like to be honest, you can believe me when I say that I can't think of a better way to spend some of my precious free time than as a memory keeper for my oh-so-exhausting-yet-totally-amazing little brood.