From Minnesota to Colorado

Call us crazy, but we are going on a grand adventure next month. Never mind that we have a newborn in the house and a toddler who is still adjusting to said newborn and his toddler bed. Don't worry about the two dogs either, or Ben's final semester of grad school, my first semester back after having Baby No. 2 OR the upcoming track season. I mean, it's not like we're that busy, right? We have time to go from Minnesota to Colorado, don't you think?

So is this some sort of crazy road trip, you ask? No, my friends, we are moving one block over and half a block up - from Minnesota Avenue to Colorado Avenue in good, old Hastings! When we tried to buy and sell a house last spring we had horrible luck all around and never got one offer on our place even though we had multiple showings. After our supposed-to-be-ours new house went out from under us to another buyer, we decided the timing wasn't right and spent the next several months doing some rather large projects around the house for "someday". Well, Wednesday was that day; we signed papers to not only sell our place but also buy a new house. Technically we weren't even still on the market, but our realtor had an interested party who came to see the house and they liked it. And it just so happens that we managed to find one that we liked, too - just around the corner!

We are thrilled because we will have so much more space (can you say PLAYROOM?!) and we're still in a neighborhood that we like close to the park. Plus it is an older home that has all the charm, character and quirks that we love (and a much, much better kitchen!). So yes, we are crazy to be planning a move - in January, with a new baby, in Nebraska! - but in the end this is going to be such a good thing for our growing little family. So, if you have some empty boxes to spare or a truck bed to fill, or if you want to entertain a toddler or hold a baby, let us know. It's going to be a crazy start to 2012 and I'm guessing we'll need a few extra hands here and there!

A Rare Snuggle

Here is a question of nature vs. nurture...My son does not snuggle. Is this just who he is or because we never had him crawl into bed with us when he was teeny tiny for an afternoon nap or early morning snooze? I can't quite figure it out, but I'm leaning toward nature because, quite honestly, the child has rarely ever been able to sit still, even from Day One (and before, if my ribs remember correctly!). Even when he is going to sleep, he is moving. With Moo Cow and Monkey at his side, he reaches one arm up so he can twirl the hair on the top of his head and he chews/rolls his tongue around in his mouth; at least that is what he has been doing lately when I put him down for his daily afternoon nap (attempt). He also wants to be way, way covered up with his Thomas comforter, so much so that I worry he'll pull the blanket completely over his head when I turn to leave! But with all of these little routines, the closest thing I ever get to a snuggle is having him sit in my lap to read books before bed. Granted, I do get lots of smooches, especially when he's stalling, but HD has just never been a big hugger.

You can imagine my surprise today, then, when he reached up to wrap both arms around my neck as I sang our goodnight song to him prior to nap. "Mama, Mama," he kept saying, and he just wanted to sit there with his arms holding me close. It was so very sweet. At one point I closed my eyes and just held on back, trying to let the moment wash over me. These are the moments that I need to remember when I'm ready to tear my hair out because he's not listening or just threw something at me (again). These are the moments that demonstrate just how much he does care. These are the moments that make the struggles and sacrifices worthwhile, because honestly, I'm not sure if there is any better feeling than having your child pull you close just because they don't want to let you go.

When we have our bad days, I tell myself, "He won't be two forever." But today, I had the same thought run my head and it made me a little sad becuase he won't always want to wrap his arms around my neck and hold me tight. So I'm doing my best to relish in this snuggle because I know just how precious it is on so very many levels.

Owl Eyes

Normally I love my daughter's eyes. They are the most beautiful combination of dark and light blue and I hope that they retain that color forever. What I don't love, however, is when her beautiful blue eyes take on the spooked, perfect circle look that I have dubbed "Owl Eyes"; truly, they are alarmingly large and largely alarming. When we see these eyes, we know we are in for the long, long haul...like last night when Miss Raegan decided that she would snooze for about 20 minutes starting shortly after 7 p.m. and then would not close her eyes again to sleep until after 2 a.m. Seriously?! I swear I am not pumping her full of caffeine, so where do these evenings/nights come from? And it wasn't just that she wouldn't sleep. She wouldn't stop crying/screaming unless one of us was holding her. Did I mention that this weekend was Ben's turn with the stomach flu and both of us were exhausted from a long day with him totally out of commission? So yeah, not good timing for one of "those" nights. At least Harrison was visiting his grandparents for one more night so we didn't have to worry about all of the commotion waking him as well.

I should have tried to take a picture of Raegan's Owl Eyes last night. I mean, it's not like I could have made the situation any worse by doing so, and really, they are a sight to behold. I picked "owl" because "crazy" seemed mean and they really do resemble the large round eyes you might find on Harry Potter's favorite bird. Now that I think about it, though, the name is even more clever than I intended because of how these eyes are associated with her night owl moments. And just how is being clever working out for me (asks Tyler Durden)? Well, I'm still sleep deprived, but at least I'm finding some humor in it all.

Obviously, as I'm free to type and Ben is grading papers, Owl Eyes have not made an appearance yet tonight. Hopefully this means we're in the clear and will get some actual sleep later. If I don't, I know some other circles just below my eyes that will be growing and darkening even more than they already have.

First Outing with Two

I gave it just shy of four weeks, but today I took my first adventure with both kids and no Ben. I mean, we've been in the car just the three of us before, but this was a real honest-to-goodness event - a MOPS meeting. And guess what? We all survived! And we even enjoyed ourselves!

Raegan was the easiest. Not only did she sleep through the first half of it, she's also stinkin' adorable, so it was no problem finding willing arms to hold her when I needed help. Of course, she did decide to grace me with her worst diaper blowout to date and needed to nurse before we left, but I learned a thing or two from the last time I had a newborn so I had both an extra outfit (or two) in the diaper bag and with my nursing cover.

Harrison handled things really well considering it has been over a month since we've been to a meeting. Actually, I think it's been closer to six weeks, so that he remembered the routine & just went with it today was fantastic. Once upon a meeting we had tears at the goodbye when I would take him to the 2-yr-old room. Today I had to ask him - twice - to give me a smooch before I scooted out the door. The only issue was that I spent a little too much time chatting as the meeting wrapped up and he got freaked out when other moms started coming to get their kids. When I got there - still right at 11:00, which is end time - he was sitting on the lap of one of the childcare providers, sobbing. I hate to see him upset like that but it did melt my heart when he jumped up and ran over to see me saying, "Mama! Mama! Mama!" I gave him lots of hugs and kisses and told him that I missed him too. He seemed happy to know that and was also happy to see his baby sister which is always nice. He even stayed by my side as we walked back out to the van without even hanging on to my hand!

For me it was a challenge to get up and ready and there on time, but I am so glad that I did. It was so nice to see friendly and familiar faces and have some much needed adult time. The other thing I appreciate about MOPS meetings is that I can sound off about what issues we are struggling with and there is always someone there to listen, relate to, and help. Sometimes it really just means the most to know that you are not alone and your child is not the only child to do __________(fill in the blank with your misbehavior of choice). Not only did I get to vent about the struggles, but I also got to bask in the joy of being a "new" mom again and that is a positive boost that I really needed this week.

We continue to have highs and lows each day it seems and unfortunately some days this week have been more down than up. But I'm doing my best to keep my chin up and at least start each day fresh even if the previous one didn't go or end so well. Perhaps one of these days we'll just go up from start to finish. And even if we don't, at least I know I've got my family and friends and fellow moms to support me.

Could It Be? Celery?!

Twice this week I had a meal that included a LOT of celery. Normally I am not a fan and so I avoid it, but this meal was prepared by someone else and brought to us and it sure tasted good, so twice this week I had a LOT of celery. The other "twice" we experience this week involved a certain little baby who would not (could not?) sleep at night. She was nursing like crazy but not drifting off like normal and was basically just WIDE EYED for hours on end in the middle of the night (morning?). Twice. The second time was even worse because we could hear Harrison just across the hall also not sleeping, making noise any time someone in our room made a sound. Needless to say, my Thanksgiving included a much needed coffee to recover from the long and exhausting nights that, of course, were followed by much too early mornings.

So what do you think? Could there be a connection? I would much rather like to think that it was just a food aversion and not a sign of things to come. Yesterday was a day without celery and our night was back to "normal" where at least Raegan would go back to sleep, even if she didn't stay that way for as long as we would like (or as long as she does during the day). This makes me hopeful that the dreaded C-word isn't the culprit. I am not sure I could survive if I had to handle a high energy toddler (and his baby sister) all day and then go all night too with a colicky baby.  Again - fingers crossed for the celery!

Thank goodness that on such a tiring week Ben only had school two days. And thank goodness that we have wonderful families who agreed to our invitation to come celebrate the holiday with us even if we weren't going to do a big traditional meal. Yesterday's soups, breads, and munchies with Ben's family turned out great. Tomorrow my parents will help us with (OK - they will probably do most of) a turkey meal. And because we didn't have to do any traveling, we can focus on the two most important things in our lives - Harrison and Raegan - and getting them the rest and attention they both need as we continue to learn what life together is like. Yeppers. There is much to be thankful for, even in the midst of (possibly driven by celery) sleep deprivation.

Observations

I've been wanting to write this post for a while now, but it's funny how life with a newborn and a toddler can fill up your days (and nights) and not leave much time for blogging. But now I have a couple days with just the newborn as the toddler is off to stay with grandparents, and magically it seems like I have so much more time to do a few things for myself (like be online and more importantly - sleep!). Rather than write a big long narrative, I wanted to make a list of sorts of observations from the last 12 days just so I can look back and remember what this time was like.

*Raegan is a doll. She has me up a couple times each night to nurse & usually each session takes an hour. Sometimes this makes me incredibly cranky because I don't want to leave the cozy bed to sit in the rocking chair. But then she sleep grins at me and I melt into a pile of mama mush, so happy and so proud to have her in my life.

*She is a sleepy nurser. We have to strip her down and change diapers throughout every feeding because she only stays on so long before drifting off and no amount of burping or chin/cheek tickling can seem to wake her.

*She doesn't cry much (she does more a short squawk/squeak when she wants attention), but when she does, holy wow, the girl has lungs! 

*For the first 9 days, Harrison was enthralled with his sister. While he still says, "She's cute" in a high squeaky baby talk voice and still wants to give her kisses on the top of her head all day long, he is no longer being gentle with her. In fact, at times, he is the exact opposite which has been quite stressful for me. I try to keep telling myself that his world has been rocked completely and that I need to be patient with him, but that isn't easy when he suddenly unloads and lashes out at her (or me). I can only hope this is a phase that passes quickly or I may not make it on my own with the two of them, day in and day out.

*I thought HD would cling to me after I got home from the hospital, but for the first week or so he was pretty much snubbing me. He wanted anyone else - Daddy, Grandma, Grandpa...but not Mama. There were a few hormonal days where that really hurt and made me a weepy mess, but now he seems excited to see me again when he returns to the house after an outing.

*I keep wondering what I thought I was so stressed about when I just had one baby. What did I do with all that time when the baby was sleeping?! Now it seems that Raegan gets me up for an early morning feeding and just as she finishes up and I could crawl back into bed, Harrison is stirring in the next room and so the day begins. & then, thanks to the crib-to-bed switching debacle, afternoon naps haven't been happening, so I am tired, tired, tired all the time. I know, I know. I should be sleeping now. But again - I know I have all day tomorrow to nurse and snooze with Little Girl, so I will catch up then.

*I went to Walmart the other night (after Harrison had gone to bed and Raegan had just nursed) to get groceries and other various baby items. I felt like I had lost a limb as I walked around in public by myself. I guess I'm just not used to doing that anymore because I almost always had HD with me in the past. I even flipped out the little child seat on the cart one my way into the store - twice!  I can't imagine how long it will be before I'm brave (or naive) enough to take both kids shopping...years perhaps?

*It really is fun to shop for little girl clothing.

*Somehow we have made it 12 days with no spit up. I shouldn't even say that out loud & you can guarantee that I just knocked on wood after typing that, but it's true. Raegan has yet to urp on me. Unbelievable & yes, probably TMI for some of you. :)

I know I had better details and more specific moments that I wanted to record, but many of those thoughts are escaping my fuzzy, sleepy brain at the moment. I'll try to keep writing about what life is like as a family of four. For now I know that it is beautiful, challenging, overwhelming, and such a blessing.

Missing Our Sleep

One thing that sends our happy little home into a tailspin is lack of sleep. Ben and I can function at an OK level on less sleep, but what we have noticed with Harrison is that sleep is crucial. If he doesn't get enough sleep, we all feel it in his behavior and actions. And while HD has been a great night sleeper since the age of 7 months or so, naps have always been a challenge. Now that we have switched from a crib to a toddler bed, the magnitude and impact of that challenge are astounding.

We toyed with the idea of changing his bed back in September. Now I'm wishing we had, but instead we opted to keep the crib for the sake of keeping at least one place in the house where he could be contained. Well, containment goes right out the window when your two-year-old learns to instantly, silently, and constantly escape from his crib. Then the crib rails just become a hazard.

Ben is taking two days off this week to be home with us and I was so looking forward to our little four day weekend as a family of four. While some parts of the weekend have been great and others just fine, the afternoons have been beyond trying and exhausting. We all need sleep. I'm tired from being up nursing during the night and Ben is feeling this too as Raegan is in our room and he helps with the diaper changes that are required to keep her awake and nursing. We would both love an afternoon nap. But Harrison has had other ideas and on Saturday Ben had to spend an hour putting HD back in his crib every 30 seconds because that is how fast he was flipping out. Once he stayed put he never did sleep. Later that day we converted the crib to the toddler bed and thought we were in good shape when Harrison went to bed and stayed put right out of the gate.

Actually, the last two nights of going to bed have been fine. He has woken up once each night and started crying, sounding very scared in his room, so Ben has gone in (both times I've been nursing) and put him back down for the rest of the night. I worry a little bit that this will turn into a game or ploy to get one of us in there for mid-night attention, but for now I feel like he needs that reassurance and comfort. The real issue, at this point, is the total lack of naps.

Yesterday Harrison spent his entire "nap" time banging on the door to his room and hollering. Today started much the same and just when we thought the quiet and sleep had come, he started making noise and crying because he had a dirty diaper. So here we sit, again, listening to him bang around in his room.

Nap cannot disappear. It just can't. That used to be my only time during the day for myself and now it is my only time during the day to focus on just one kiddo. Plus Harrison's behavior and attitude are way better when his day includes some day sleep. We have done more time outs in the lat 48 hrs. than you might think possible and I know lack of sleep is a big part of this. So what do we do? Our tired and foggy brains are at a loss. Everyone keeps telling me that this too shall pass, but right now I'm not so sure that my sanity won't just go with it.